


Don't Be So Charming

by PieDarling



Category: Supernatural
Genre: After the prologue, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Magic, Anal Sex, Baby as a character, Bottom Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Childhood Friends, Cursed Dean Winchester, Fairy Tale Elements, Fantasy, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Horse!Alfie, Horse!Baby, Knight Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Mary Dies, Minor Character Death, POV Dean Winchester, POV First Person, Prince Dean Winchester, Romance, Sexual Content, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top!Cas, bottom!Dean, cursed!Dean, knight!cas, offscreen, prince!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-04-07 17:19:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19089580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PieDarling/pseuds/PieDarling
Summary: - Very loosely based on the movie “Prince Charming” -Prince Dean was always meant to be fortunate, all the fairies and witches in the kingdom of his father would shower him with gifts. However, one of them had a deep darkness in her heart and out of selfishness cursed him instead, condemning him to have everyone fall under his charm and never know true love. His only hope is to break the curse before his 21st birthday.At first, Dean is lost. How can he fall in love when everyone he meets falls under his charm? He finds hope in a magic coin his mother left him and in search of that hope he sets out on a journey with his childhood friend, Castiel, as his companion. Castiel is the only person Dean has ever met to not be affected by his curse, he trusts him more than anyone else.Is it possible for Dean to learn how to love and break his curse? Or was his fate sealed the moment the dark witch stepped next to his crib?





	1. Prologue: It Wasn't Meant to Be a Curse

**Author's Note:**

> *** This Fanfic was written for 2019's SPN MBB ***
> 
> This was an interesting adventure for sure, for one thing I went from "I kinda wanna follow the plot of this movie" to "screw it that plot sucks, I'll make my own!!!" Witch honestly? Why did I ever think it would go any differently??
> 
> Some scenes were also very challenging and kinda hard to pull off I think, but I made it!!
> 
> Yay for my second fic ever!!
> 
> I would like to give my thanks to my four beautiful artists who came to save the day at the very last minute! [Anyrei](https://anyreiart.tumblr.com/post/185722592836/masterpost-art-spn-movie-big-bang), [Foxy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19290634), [LeafZelindor](https://leafzelindor.tumblr.com/post/185725857634/artwork-done-for-the-supernatural-movie-bang-fic), and [Deli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliciousirony/pseuds/deli), who made all the pretty ornaments / dividers in the fic!! All of their art is amazing and wonderful and they made me so happy I for a hot second wondered if I was like about to die or something, like in those stories were people do nice things for the main character because they are secretly ill or something. (Is that even an actual trope?)
> 
> Of course, I also want to thank from the bottom of my heart my Alpha, [SOBS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/son_of_a_bitch_spn_family/pseuds/son_of_a_bitch_spn_family), and my Beta, [Insominia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/insominia/profile)!! They helped me make the story come together, I have no idea where I'd be without them to question about every single detail!!
> 
> And on that note, I want to extend a special mention to [CR Noble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erudite12/pseuds/CR%20Noble), [Wargurl83](https://wargurl83.tumblr.com/), and [Gabesgoldwings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabesgoldwings/pseuds/gabesgoldwings) for brainstorming with me when I had no idea what I was doing! And listening to me whine about it too!!
> 
> Of course, I also want to thank our wonderful Mods / Directors!! [MalMuses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalMuses/pseuds/MalMuses), [Jscribbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jscribbles/pseuds/jscribbles), and [AmandaCanzo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaCanzo/pseuds/AmandaCanzo) all of them are amazing writers and amazing friends!! Highly recomend them ;)
> 
> Last but not least: I want to thank you for reading my crappy notes and checking out my fic. Much love!!
> 
> Onwards now!!!! Get reading.  
> Aaaaaaaah!!!  
> I'm fine.

“The prince will be agile and elegant like a falcon.” Promises the Whisper of the Winds as her magic breeze caresses the cheeks of the young prince in his crib.

“The prince will be kind and strong like a bear.” Promises the Nymph of the Woods, her wooden fingers letting magic golden leaves fall around the prince.

They are both thoughtful gifts, I am sure, but they are not really my style. I complain, but I do wonder what I should give him as I trace my hands through my lace. I am not entirely sure yet.

The Fairy Queen steps up to the crib next and the small baby in it coos at her with joy. “The prince will be...” she begins as she lets her fairy dust fall on the young prince, “...charming!” She smiles, pleased with herself.

“Oh, indeed!” An unexpected chuckle sounds from the darkest corner of the room, the voice is uncomfortably familiar. “The prince will be so charming no one in the world will ever be able to resist his smile, not after looking into his eyes.” A figure finally steps out of the shadows, making her way around the rest of the guests and towards the baby’s crib.

Everyone stands frozen in place, petrified by her mere presence. She walks slowly, unafraid to be stopped, her dark dress dragging on the floor and her brown hair falling on her shoulders.

“Amara...” the king whispers in shock.

A wicked smile adorns her face as she continues, ignoring him, “loved unconditionally by everyone, he will grow lazy and spoiled.” Her hand snakes into the crib to cradle the young prince’s cheek as her dark magic smoke envelops him, taking over the fairy dust and corrupting it. “The worst prince in history, he will lead the kingdom to its doom as the whole world falls at his feet and all real love withers and dies to be replaced with fake adoration.”

She bends down slowly and concludes, “there will be no more happiness thanks to our little prince charming.” She finally seals her devious curse by placing a kiss on the baby’s forehead as everyone in the room stares in horror.

“Why would you want such a thing?” The king questions in disbelief, apparently too shocked to be angry just yet.

Amara giggles as she steps away from the young prince. “Oh, dear, why are you so surprised? I did tell you once, if I can’t have love then no one can.” She gives the room one last smile and steps up to the open window. She lets herself fall through it and disappears in a puff of smoke. What a petty bitch.

As if a different kind of spell had been broken the prince’s mother suddenly runs to the crib in alarm.

“Wait!” I warn her, finally stepping out of the crowd to reveal myself. “Queen, dear, I would advise against interfering with my sister’s magic.”

She stops dead in her tracks, a small sigh escaping her lips, I presume this must be a hard thing to ask of her. Still, she turns to meet my eyes. “Rowena?” Recognition sets in her eyes as she whispers, “the witch of the East...”

“Oracle of the Heart, yes, yes, that’s me. Formalities aside, we have more pressing matters at hand.” I walk up to her and place my hand on her shoulder as support. Regardless, I avoid looking at the prince directly. “Words are very powerful, my dear. Especially words pronounced with such spite,” I warn her as I let my hand settle over the prince’s crib, sensing Amara’s magic.

The queen looks down at her feet and a heavy sigh leaves her lips.

“Is there anything we can do?” The king finally speaks up, stepping up to hold his wife between his arms.

“Her magic hasn’t settled completely in yet, I cannot reverse the curse, but I can modify it.” After all, fixing my sister’s messes has always been part of my fate. I cannot deny the part I played in her becoming so bitter; the heart does not lie.

The queen turns to look at me, hopeful.

I begin to use my own magic to poke and unwind Amara’s. “While the prince’s charm will be incomparable to any other creature on earth, he will grow into it. As he grows into a young man his magnetic smile will only charm others for a fleeting moment, _until_ the day of his 21st birthday.” My magic begins to work, its characteristic pink-ish smoke surrounds the young prince. “However, if the prince finds his true love before then his fate can be avoided, for their love will be so grand no one will have the heart to come between them. Yes, upon receiving true love’s kiss his charm will no longer work like magic and everyone will be free from the Witch of the West’s curse.” As I conclude my blessing I mirror my sister’s actions, stepping up to the crib and delivering a kiss upon the young prince’s forehead, sealing my magic in place.

“That’s all I can do for you now, my prince,” I sigh in resignation. Stepping away from the crib I turn back to the queen and taking her hand on mine I place a gold coin on it. “Hold on to it, for now, my love.” I wink at her and then turn towards the window my sister left through.

I turn to look at the crib one last time, the prince coos in my direction. _There is a long journey ahead for you, Dean_.

Then I’m gone.


	2. I am No Robinhood

I aim down at the target on the other side of the field, feeling the tension of the string straining my muscles. While my wrist bothers me a little, I savor the dull ache that reflects in my muscles, proof I have been practicing for a while already. A small exhale escapes my lips and I let go of the string, sending the arrow flying straight into the middle of the target.

“You should take a break,” comes Sam’s voice from where he sits, under the shadow of a nearby tree, reading a book.

“Let me just finish this round,” I answer, glancing at my quiver and counting the arrows I have left.

“You know that Cas won’t like you overexerting yourself. Especially with your wrist,” he points out.

I stare down at the bandages on my right wrist. It gives me pause. I'm supposed to meet Cas before dinner and he will reprimand me if he notices the strain I’ve put on my body today. Which he probably will, since I see the muscles of my arm already shaking from the exertion. I sigh and instead of taking another shot I walk up to the target and start collecting the arrows from around the field back onto my quiver. “I hate it when you are right,” I retort. 

“You can’t always be right Dean, sometimes—”

I had looked up just for a moment, but that’s all it took.

“Your majesty~” came the delighted swoons of the group of maids I accidentally locked eyes with, interrupting my brother. They start to approach me immediately, surely leaving unattended whatever they were supposed to be doing.

I can feel the hairs on my neck stand on end, as they come near me. I take one small step back on reflex.

“Your majesty, do you need help collecting your arrows?!” asks a petite blonde, the first to reach me. She puts her hands on my quiver, softly asking for it to be handed to her, wanting to relieve me of the task.

I give her a small smile. “No, it’s fine, see? I'm already done.” I softly pull the quiver from her hands, making her let go.

“Oh. Okay,” is her only response. It's not sad, it’s just kinda there. Empty.

“Your majesty, do you need something else?” says another maid.

“No, I’m really fine, girls,” I smile a bit, trying to convince them it’s okay as I back away.

“Are you sure, your majesty? We could do your laundry!" Offers a brunette, with excitement.

“Or we could go brush Babie for you!” Offers another, and for the record no, nobody brushes Babie except for me or Charlie!

“Or... we could help you take a bath...” concludes the blonde one, now placing her hand on my arm.

I gulp down the knot forming on my throat. I pointedly turn my eyes towards Sam. _Save me!_

His eyes look up from his book and meet mine. He sighs and gets up from the grass in a hurry. “Alright ladies, enough.” He proclaims, with a firm yet kind voice. “Dean has to go prepare to have dinner with our father.”

As the maids turn to look at him they falter for just a moment, momentarily confused, and I take the chance to sneak away from them.

I make my way back to the castle, passing close to the stables. I'm tempted to go see Babie, but time is not on my side and I still need to see Cas before dinner. Charlie will take good care of her anyways, can’t say I know anyone who loves horses more than her.

I sigh and make a point of looking down as I pass by another group of servants walking around the castle grounds. I can’t afford to have any more incidents, my father made a point of saying we had to have dinner together today. It’s not like this is an odd occurrence anyways, I should already be used to it.

I finally make my way into the castle and start heading towards the East Wing. Everyone reacts to my little gift differently, generally, it makes them like me. Most people just want to be nice to me, give me stuff, others want to be with me but it is nothing more than a fleeting feeling, lasting only until they look away. Then it’s gone. It fades away slowly sometimes, but it never lasts.

I round the corner at the end of the hall and finally approach Cas’ medical guard, although he prefers to call it a study since he very rarely has actual patients here beside me and my brother. Well, mostly me.

I knock on the door twice and wait for him to answer, “Cas?”

“Please come in, your majesty,” he replies.

Once I open the door I find Cas with his back turned to me, looking over something in his bookshelf. His black hair is messy, as usual, a smile pulls at the corner of my lips when I see him.

Few people show no change upon looking into my eyes, but Cas is one of them, so I don’t look away as he turns to me. I suppose that after all these years he has grown immune to it. Whatever it is, it always makes me feel more at ease around him.

His blue eyes give me a small squint as if demanding I tell him at once what kind of shenanigans I have been up to today. “How is your wrist?”

“It’s good!” Well that’s only half a lie, right? I do think it’s better than before, but it hurts regardless.

He steps closer and takes my wrist on his hand, carefully bringing it up to inspect it. “You were shooting arrows again, weren’t you?”

He knows me too well. I give him a weak smile as an apology, it’s not gonna work on him anyway so it’s an empty attempt. “Well, I gotta exercise it so it doesn’t lose all movement, right? Isn’t that what you said?” I play innocent.

“I advised light exercise, slow circular movements, not archery. Your majesty, this behavior is irresponsible on your part.” He declares as he unwraps the bandage.

“Hey, you know I can’t just sit around doing nothing all day,” I complain offhandedly. “It’s bad enough that I haven’t been able to ride Babie in a while because of this.”

He doesn’t acknowledge my complaints, instead, he takes some gel from a jar and massages it onto my wrist in small circles. After a moment the mixture grows warm against my skin.

Once he's done he reaches for a new bandage and begins to wrap my wrist again. “Well, your majesty, maybe you should follow your brother’s habits a little more closely.”

I frown at him, Sam just reads books all day, I can’t stand that. I do enough mandatory reading as it is, thank you very much.

Before I can protest he continues, “I am merely trying to ensure a faster recovery, your majesty. Overexerting your wrist in its current condition will only slow down the process. The sooner your wrist heals the sooner you’ll be able to ride a horse again, your majesty.”

“Oh come on, Cas! It’s not that bad, and why do you keep calling me ‘your majesty’? I already told you Dean was— _Ah!!”_ I'm abruptly cut by him suddenly tightening the bandage around my wrist unnecessarily tight, making me yelp at the unexpectedly acute pain coming from my wrist.

“Cas!” I glare at him, he totally did that on purpose.

He simply squints at me and slowly loosens the bandage to a more comfortable hold. “Dean.” His gravelly voice rolls my name out like a short reprimand.

I smile. “That’s a bit more like you.”

He looks at me for a moment but then resolves to look back down at my wrist and finish the bandaging. “We are not children anymore.”

I can’t help but frown, why remind me now? I know I have a looming deadline hanging over me, that in just a couple of months I will turn 21 and my fate will be sealed. He doesn’t have to be a dick about it... He doesn’t have to be like my father. I really don’t _get_ Cas anymore, do I?

Once he lets go of my wrist I absentmindedly place my other hand over it. The gel slowly starts to heat up against my skin. “You know that doesn’t have to change anything. We are still friends.”

He looks at me briefly, it’s a measured look, one I know he uses when he's thinking over how to respond. I just don’t understand what does he need to think about at all. “You should get going, your majesty, making your father wait is not a good habit.”

I sigh, resigned to the truth in his words, but they feel so empty. Figures he would know about dad’s big dinner plans today, but before he could have at least been more understanding of why I may actually not want to go. “I’ll see you later, Cas,” I say as I head out.

I get no response.

When did Cas start changing so much? Worst of all, how did I miss it?

I leave just the way I came and eventually turn left, heading towards the dining room. I go over some of my more recent memories of Cas as I walk, wondering indeed when the change started to appear. I think maybe it happened a couple of years back, right after the fire at the castle. I shudder at the memory, pushing it away. Regardless, the shift was subtle enough that I didn’t think much of it until recently. However, it’s clear now that it’s gotten worse over time.

I sigh and shake my head, deciding to stop my train of thought. This is dumb, so my childhood friend is growing up? Big deal Dean, he's 3 years older than you, people change and grow apart over time. Even if I don’t like it...

Eventually, I stand in front of the double doors of the dining room and take a deep breath. I pull together every ounce of royalty I have in my bones and prepare myself to meet my overbearing father.

When I walk in him and Sam are both already sitting down at the table.

“Sorry I'm late,” I apologize as I pull out my chair on the left side of the table. “I had Sir Castiel look at my wrist.”

I barely get a nod of acknowledgment from my father who sits at the head of the table. As per usual Sam sits beside me, and the right side of the table stays completely empty. That’s where mom would sit before...

No one ever mentions it, even after two and a half years the issue seems too fresh to be addressed. Mom’s gone. Dad doesn’t think there is more to be said on the matter, so none of us mention it and the right side of the table remains empty.

Eventually, the servants start coming in with the food and we somehow begin to eat in silence.

Right around the time I start to wonder why my father made such a huge deal of all of us having dinner together he speaks up.

“Dean’s birthday is in 2 months,” he begins and I feel every hair on my body stand on end. “As you are both well aware Dean needs to find himself a wife before then in order to break the curse.”

‘ _A wife_ ,’ he says. I hold in the urge to scoff, it instantly ticks me off. I force myself to remain calm as I answer, “I am aware father.”

“Oh, really?” He finally turns to actually look at me. “For someone who is aware of their impending doom you don’t seem to be doing much about it.” The slight sting on his voice almost makes me flinch, I can only contain myself by tightening my fists under the table.

Before I can come up with an answer he continues, “we cannot sit idle and wait until the deadline is looming over our heads, and you won’t find a suitable wife sitting around in the palace playing with your bow.” His voice evens out as he continues, smooth as if he's proud of himself, “I have decided to arrange a ball so that you can pick a wife.”

“What?!” despite my better judgment, the shock wins me over and I exclaim without even thinking. When in the history of forever have I been able to attend a ball without it turning into an utter shit show? And that's only the tip of the iceberg here...

He frowns briefly at me, but then seemingly resolves to elaborate more. “I have invited all the eligible noble women in the surrounding kingdoms so that you can pick a wife.”

Pick a wife. Pick a wife. Just pick a damn wife? Sure, such an easy thing to do. “How can I just pick one?! Just from a ball? That’s ridiculous, and with my eyes even if I did pick one...” I trail off, as if running out of steam, this is a waste of time. Just like simply picking a wife would be a waste of time. What’s more, I can tell my father does not care for my complaints. I look down at my unfinished food and clench my fists. With my eyes, how could I possibly know if anyone actually loves me?

“Do you have a better idea?” He finally acknowledges my outburst, his voice thundering through the dining hall like the crack of a whip.

I sigh and shake my head. “Please excuse me, I'm not hungry anymore.” I get up from my chair and depart from the hall with a firm stride, determined not to stop until I get to my room.

“Dean—” I hear my brother call after me, followed by my father cutting him off.

I ignore them both and head out as fast as I possibly can. I march down the halls of the palace as if I was heading to war, and maybe I am; a war with myself because I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do.

I get to my room and swiftly step inside, smashing the doors closed behind me. I head to the window, the sun is already setting in the distance. I sit on the windowsill and breath in the fresh hair from outside the castle walls.

My father being sort of correct doesn’t make it any less shitty... I don’t even know what love is! Even if I tried to like... date someone they would just be charmed by my eyes. They don’t like me, not the real me, just this stupid curse! How can I pick a wife knowing that even if she accepts her feelings would probably not be real? I can’t do that...

I run my hands through my hair, this is ridiculous. I don’t even need a wife, I need to find my true love. Why does my dad simply assume they would be a princess, conveniently living in a nearby kingdom, that will also potentially make for a good ally in the future or some crap like that. She could be anywhere and she could be anyone, from a peasant to a queen who already married someone else, if we are being honest. Why would things be that easy and convenient?

I sigh in resignation. I wish Mom was here, things would probably be so much easier, she would understand. I pull at the necklace hanging around my neck, taking it out from under my shirt to look at the golden coin attached to it. I inspect it carefully, I’ve stared at it so many times before, I already have it memorized by now. I trace the engraved heart-shaped locket with my fingers as I look over the details.

It belonged to my mother before she... passed away. She showed it to me many times while she was alive, it was given to her by the Witch of the East, the one who lessened the curse that was put upon me.

I scoff, what a great favor, and I'm just two months away from completely screwing it up.

I'm about to put the necklace back under my shirt when something catches my eye. A... glimmer?

Somehow the way the light hit the coin just now made it look different. I look out at the window and see that the moon is now bright in the sky, following my instinct I angle the coin until the moonlight hits it at just the right angle and... there it is! There is something written on it.

“Those who thirst for adventure will come my way, and I will answer the call of the few of them who seek with an open heart. They can find me in the East...? What the hell?” My confusion doesn’t have much time to settle in as the coin in my hand becomes warm to the touch and before I know it the coin is shining, emitting its own light like a flame.

I stare at it in disbelief until the light starts to dim. Now the heart-shaped locked that had previously been static spins around like a compass needle...

A compass...

A compass that points to the east... Well, of course!

I look up at the sky for a brief moment, the stars sparkle and the full moon illuminates the gardens of the palace.

A smile grows on my face and I walk towards the closet to prepare for my unexpected need to take a night walk around the palace gardens, surely no one will mind. After all, I’ve found a better idea, Dad.


	3. I Had No Road to Follow

The cool night wind blows in my face and, although there is much more than simple delight behind this sprint and my wrist hurts like a bitch, I feel alive. Like a burning fire I forgot I had inside has been lit again for the first time in weeks.

Against my own desires, I pull at Babie’s reigns, softly urging her to slow down. The forest gets denser and I know better than to sprint around without knowing where exactly I’m supposed to be headed. Especially with a sprained wrist. I may be a bit more daring than Cas would like with it, but I'm not dumb enough to do reckless things out in the middle of the night. Or at least that’s what I’d like to tell him.

As Babie keeps a much more relaxed pace I take the chance to look back towards the castle. In between the trees and bushes, you can’t see anything more than flowers, but up at the top you can see the towers. Still, I'm far away enough that I'm not worried, anyone who had tried to follow me would have to track me or they would need to have left right after I did if they want to find me. Babie sprinted out of the castle way faster than the rest of the horses in the stables.

Feeling confident in the success of my last-minute ‘sneak out of the castle’ mission I pull at the reigns of Babie a tad more, halting her all the way to a stop. “You are an amazing runner.” I praise her with a smile while I pat her right shoulder.

She neighs happily in response and shakes her black mane as if showing off.

I take a moment to breathe in the night air, it’s fresh and crisp. It brings back memories of when I was a child. However, I don’t have time to dwell on the past, in my hurry to leave the castle I didn’t even bring food with me. I do have some gold if the trip proves to be longer than I hoped, but I would need to head to the village and with my eyes... It can get a little annoying. It’s not easy to go out in public for me, people will inevitably flock to me.

I pull the hood of my cloak up, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious as if someone was watching me. I shake the feeling and take the enchanted coin out from under my shirt. “Alright, Magic Coin or whatever, what now?”

It’s not like the coin will answer or even change at all, but it gives me a bit of confidence. As though demanding things from it somehow means I know what I'm doing.

The heart on the coin simply continues to point to the east, further into the forest. I direct Babie forwards in between the trees, following the coin’s advice, at a slow and steady pace. There is not enough room to gallop here, not if I want to avoid accidentally landing on my face. If I end up hurting myself again Cas will attempt to assassinate me, I’m not gonna risk that.

As we advance towards the east I discern that the density of the trees begins to diminish. Soon I can see a clear path in the distance. It’s a strange sight, the path is not man-made, there is no gravel or dirt disturbing the grass of the forest. Instead, the space between the trees allows the path to be illuminated by the moonlight.

A path made of light. It seems like something right out of a dream.

I look down at the coin, pointing in the direction of the path. I hesitate for a moment, but ultimately decide to follow it. As Babie steps into the moonlight, it reflects on her black mane almost unnaturally.

It’s then that I hear a slight rustle from somewhere behind me, I turn around, slightly startled, and examine my surroundings.

I don’t see anything out of place in the quiet darkness of the forest. A couple of butterflies and dragonflies, but not much else besides flowers and trees.

While I remain a bit uneasy I continue down the path. Babie doesn’t seem to be worried at all, however, maybe I just imagined it.

I follow the path until it breaks into a clearing, big and illuminated by the same sort of almost unnatural moonlight. There is a small pond on the right, on the left sits a big wooden cabin atop a small hill. A yellow light comes from inside.

Babie walks barely a bit more into the clearing before I pull her reigns softly to stop her and unmount her. I take a moment to pet her, “you are such a good girl, Babie. Thank you.”

She blinks at me, her dark eyes shine as if she understood me. She moves her head towards my hand and I pet her cheek a bit more. I enjoy the familiar feeling of her coarse black hair under my fingers. Then she turns her attention down towards the grass. I guess horses can enjoy midnight snacks as well.

I turn my own attention towards the cabin then. I check the coin one last time, it's very clear this is where I'm headed. I put the coin back where it usually rests around my neck and start walking up the small hill leading to the cabin.

Before I can get to the front steps I hear the sound of hooves behind me. I instinctively pull out my bow and swiftly draw an arrow from my quiver. I realize it hadn't been my imagination that someone was following me. I tense the string of the bow and my wrist stings from the sudden motion.

“Dean!” A gravelly voice calls out my name just as I begin to turn around.

My muscles relax all at once. As soon as I turn I see Castiel mounted on a light brown horse from the stables. I think his name’s Alfie, not the most elegant horse by a long shot but I recall Cas having some affection for him. He comes to a halt close to Babie and Cas unmounts him.

Why is he here? I would like to just ask, but I push my question aside for a moment as I notice his determined stride and his furrowed brow. One thing is clear, he's not happy. As he approaches I hear the faintest clink of armor and my eyes instantly dart down towards his body, under his flowing tan cloak I can see the glimmer of his knight armor.

I stare at it in shock. Forget why he's here, why is he wearing that?

I don’t have time to ask because as soon as he gets to me he takes charge of the conversation. “Could you explain to me what you think you’re doing?” His grave voice reverberates accusatory as his blue eyes dig into me like daggers.

“I... am not sure?” I give him a smile hoping he won’t mind my unabashed honesty.

Maybe I was a bit too vague, however, as he squints at me in confusion and sighs. He shakes his head and squares his shoulders. “We should go back, your Majesty. Your father will be furious if he finds out you left in the middle of the night,” he concludes.

His return to formality irks me, but I try to ignore it. I shake my head and fold my arms over my chest. “No way. I have to be here, this is important.”

He furrows his brow in annoyance, but eventually relaxes his demeanor as if resigned to hear me out. “I am sorry, your Majesty.” His voice is far softer now, almost hoarse. “I do not understand why this trip to the forest, in the middle of the night, is important.”

I give him a small nod and take the coin from around my neck to show it to him. “This was my mother’s, it took me here.”

He takes it and examines it, turning it around in his hands. “It’s your mother’s...” Cas trails off almost absentmindedly and then his eyes flash with recognition. “Of course.”

I look back at the cabin, anxious to go in. “I have to go, Cas. This could be the key to undoing my curse.” I turn back to look at him, determined, “the Witch of The East gave that to my mother, it’s got to be her, right? She must know how to help me.”

He shakes his head and returns the coin to me, dismissive. “We know how to help you, you need to find a wife. If you just listen to your father—”

“No, Cas. I don’t need a wife, I need to find my true love! I can’t go and marry just anyone.” I interrupt him in exasperation, I can’t believe Cas is just repeating the same stupid things my dad says.

“Your father said that—” His voice is sterner this time, deep and grave with frustration but I don’t let that deter me.

“Won’t you listen to me for once? You know, like you used to?” I never thought I’d have to say that to him, but here we are.

He stares at me for a moment clearly annoyed, however soon enough his expression softens and he simply looks at me. Straight into my eyes.

I make a point of crossing my arms once more and keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground. I try my best to stare him down with authority even though he's older than me and it’s something I have never done before.

Finally, he closes his eyes and nods, once he opens them he speaks slower, calmer. “How do you suppose she could help?”

I relax my stance as well, acting all authoritative with Cas is too close to feeling uncomfortable. I'm glad he didn’t add the annoying ‘Your Majesty’ in there or I might have started another argument over it.

“Rowena has many names,” I say as I put the coin once again around my neck, “one of them is ‘Oracle of the Heart.’ My mother told me she helps people in matters of love a lot, maybe she's willing to help me find my true love.” I turn back towards the cabin, I feel the sense of hope building up inside of my guts. A mix of excitement and anxiousness, just on the verge of desperation and joy.

“Well, she did help you once before.” Cas concedes and it makes me smile. “I will accompany you, but we need to return to the castle as soon as possible. Your father will be furious if he finds out about this.”

I look back at him and smile, “what he doesn’t know, doesn’t hurt him.” I tell him with a shrug.

Cas shakes his head as if disapproving but ultimately returns my smile. Just a small tug at the corners, like he would do when I was about to misbehave as a kid and he would just go along with me.

The memory makes me smile even wider. After that, I turn back around and we both walk towards the cabin. As Cas catches up to me I hear the clink of his armor once more. It reminds me of what I wanted to ask him before.

“Right, Cas, why are you wearing armor?” I ask him without giving it much more thought and turn to him expectantly.

He stops dead on his tracks, almost at the front porch of the cabin. “Well, I...”

I stop on the steps and turn around to look at him.

A slight pink hue tints his cheeks as he re-adjusts his cloak, avoiding my eyes. “I just... saw you leaving with Babie and thought it would be better to be ready for anything. The forest can be dangerous.” He seems to be pleased with his obvious lie.

I smile, Cas has never been good at coming up with stuff on the spot. There is no way he had time to put on that armor and still catch up with me without losing me in the forest. “I had no idea you were so skilled at putting on armor, you must have been quick.”

He finally looks at me, a darker shade of pink now going all the way up to his ears. “Yes, I...” He knows I’ve caught him, he turns to look to the side, embarrassed. “Please let’s just continue, your Majesty.”

I chuckle, once a knight, always a knight. It makes it feel like old times. It’s obvious he was already wearing the armor when he saw me, it reminds me of how obsessed he was with becoming a knight when we were younger. Yeah, he really wanted to be a knight.

I decide not to dwell on the subject anymore, I could make him sad rather than just embarrassed, now is not the time for that. Instead, I turn back around and head up the front steps to knock on the door.

“Well, it’s about time!” A feminine voice with a heavy accent comes from inside the cabin. “I was wondering when you’d get here, I almost feared you got lost.” Wait, what?

The wooden door opens to reveal a redheaded woman with curly hair and fair skin. Her features are sharp and elegant, yet you can tell that there is kindness in her sharp green eyes. She wears a long-sleeved purple dress and a gold coin, similar to the one my mom gave me, hangs around her neck.

She doesn’t really stop at the door to greet us, however, instead she turns around and heads back into the cabin. “Hurry up you two, the moonlight is not eternal.”

I'm initially startled, but I recover soon enough. “You were expecting us?” I ask as I follow her inside.

The cabin feels very warm, all of the decorations are in reds, oranges, yellows and there is the odd pink or purple here and there. It’s almost like walking into a painting, full of jars and little knick-knacks that somehow manage to make the place look both overwhelmingly full yet well organized. There is a fireplace in what I assume would be her living room and even though there was no smoke coming from the chimney outside, the fire is lit.

She heads towards a bookshelf full of thick, leather tomes. She answers without turning around, “oh, yes, I was expecting you. I always know when someone uses one of my coins to come and find me.” She peeks over her shoulder to wink at us.

“Now let’s see...” She starts browsing through her books, seemingly looking for a specific one.

“And you know why we are here?” Cas questions, squinting at her.

“Well, of course. I can tell that you are such a lovely couple and ready to take the next step, aren't you? I’ll be so happy to help you!” She chimes in delight. I'm not sure what she thinks we are here for, but I'm sure we are not on the same page.

I'm about to correct her and explain when Cas speaks up instead. “We are not a couple!” His gravelly voice breaks and I turn to look at him, a stern expression rests on his face but the tips of his ears are tinted pink.

I chuckle. I mean, it’s true, but there is always something fun about seeing Cas flustered. Usually, he's very good at keeping his composure. Dreams of Knighthood aside, there are not a lot of things that make him embarrassed. 

She picks a book from the shelve and turns around to speak to Cas. “Nonsense! It’s crystal clear that—” She turns to look at me, pointing with her hand, and her eyes finally land on mine. They instantly fill with recognition. “—Oh... Dean Winchester, I was wondering when you'd grace my doorstep.” She puts the book down on the table and, seemingly more relaxed now, sits down on the armchair close to the fire. “Take a seat boys, make yourselves comfortable.”

Me and Cas look at each other and decide to sit on the sofa opposite her armchair.

“So you do remember me,” I finally say, a mixture of gladness and shock nestling in my chest.

“Oh, how could I forget you? I was just wondering what took you so long.” She flicks her wrist and a cup of tea with a spoon appears out of thin air in a puff of pink smoke. She grabs them with both hands and stirs it. “You are cutting it pretty close aren’t you?"

I smile at her and shrug. This was almost a coincidence, I had never thought about looking at my mother’s coin any closer than I did before. I hadn’t even had the idea to look for Rowena, not until tonight.

“Ah, you have grown to be quite charming after all, haven’t you?” She chuckles and then sips a bit of her tea. “Still I wonder why exactly you are here...” She whispers almost to herself.

I'm not sure how to answer her, shouldn’t it be obvious? But it doesn’t matter because Cas decides to answer her before I do. “Dean needs help finding his true love.” He states, as a matter of fact.

“Oh, does he...?” She puts the tea down on the coffee table and closes her eyes, placing her hand on her chin as if lost in thought.

Once she opens her eyes she turns slightly to look at Cas. “And who is this handsome, young man with you, Dean?” She questions, almost as if she tried to redirect the conversation.

I don’t mind, after all, it feels only right to introduce him properly. “Oh, this is Sir Castiel Novak. He's my childhood friend.”

She smiles in return and offers her hand to Cas for a kiss, palm down and around the height of his chin. She looks at him pointedly with her dark green eyes, waiting.

Cas squints at her for a moment, but ultimately takes her hand and brings it up to his lips. He gives it a soft kiss, but his eyes glare at her with what seems to be suspicion after he lets go.

This doesn’t seem to affect Rowena at all, instead, she looks at him with a smile. “Interesting.”

There is a weird tension in the air that I can’t quite place and it lingers in the short silence that sits between the three of us after she says that.

Eventually, she crosses her legs and turns back to me. “So, you want help finding your true love?”

“Well, if I want to break the curse that’s what I have to do, right?” I point out, slightly concerned. I hope she can help me, but she isn’t showing many signs of it. What’s with the questions?

She doesn’t say anything, simply examining my face with pause. Meanwhile, I grow more confused, and Cas squints at her with suspicion.

“Dean my dear,” she speaks up softly extending her hand towards me, “can I see your hand?”

“Sure?” I take off my glove and offer her my hand, palm up.

“How is this relevant?” Cas questions her. His voice is low and hoarse. He squints at her, as she examines the palm of my hand.

She traces the lines on my palm with her fingers and I fight the need to recoil away when it tickles slightly. “There is very delicate magic working on your prince, Sir Knight. Everything is relevant...” Her voice is quiet and stern, yet soft, like a reminder more than a scolding.

She lets go of my hand and stands up from the armchair, “come with me, my dear.” She motions for me to follow as she walks towards the back of the cabin.

I stand up and follow her, Cas does the same. She walks through a door into a small dark room, a crystal ball sits on a wooden table surrounded by three chairs. She takes a seat behind it and motions for us to take the two chairs in front.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, “Criostal prìseil, seallaidh mi an fhìrinn air cùl na mìorbhail.” She begins moving her hands around the crystal that fills with a pinkish smoke. “Ciamar a gheibh am prionnsa a 'faicinn na fìor gaol aige?”

The smoke begins to move, swirling around the inside of the sphere endlessly. I stare at it in awe as it moves fluidly inside the crystal ball. I manage to see flashes of something, a big, powerful river, a spiky mountain... However, I'm sure Rowena sees far more than I do.

Eventually, the smoke dissipates and as easily as it appeared it is gone. Rowena sighs softly and then looks up at me, her eyebrows dropping down as she gives me a sympathetic smile. “It’s not going to be easy.”

A breath I didn’t even notice I was holding escapes my lips. Of course not, but I never thought it would be.


	4. I Was Never Blind

Cas and I traverse the forest in silence as we ride atop Babie and Alfie. Not a lot has been said between us. Well, besides Cas advising we go back to the castle we haven't spoken since Rowena explained her vision, cast some sort of spell on my coin, and sent us on our way with complaints of us ‘wasting moonlight.’ Soon after stepping outside the cabin disappeared leaving us both in shock.

“We should head back to the castle, Your Majesty.” Cas’ gravelly voice comes from my right side.

I tense my hands on the reigns of Babie and feel my wrist sting in response. Babie feels it too, as her muscles stiffen under my weight. I stare into the forest stoically, continuing to head in the direction of the village stubbornly.

“Your Majesty.” I can hear the frustration in his rocky tone, the tension making his voice feel like an uncontainable force. Quiet, yet powerful. “We should return and speak to your father about this, going off on your own is not wise.”

It ticks me off. ‘Father this, father that.’ It’s my life that’s at stake, I’d like to have the final say. I hate being angry with Cas or having to tell him off. So instead I continue stubbornly on the path I'm already in without speaking.

Apparently, my continued disregard for Cas’ advice finally gets to him because I hear Alfie snort and before I know it they are in front of me, blocking my path.

Babie stops dead in her tracks.

Cas glares at me, visibly fed up. His tan cloak softly moves with the breeze and I can see hints of his armor showing through underneath. For the first time, I notice that there is a sword hanging from his hip.

The entire scene suits him. The moonlight, the trees, the armor and the cloak, even Alfie looks suddenly far more regal than he is. He looks like a knight right out of a painting.

“Dean.” His gravelly voice is rough and strong, clear in his annoyance at me, “you really can’t go on your own. You heard Rowena, you need someone who can accompany you. The best course of action would be to return and speak with your father.”

I sigh, as I close my eyes, letting go of the glare I was giving him. He's too concerned about this for me to be angry at him. “Cas, there is a reason I left as I did, without telling him anything. My father never listens to me. Trying to change his opinion is completely pointless and we would waste time that we don’t have.” Rowena was very clear that the journey would take up to two weeks. We have enough time now, but we may not if we waste time trying to convince him to let me do this.

Cas relaxes his shoulders and sighs when he opens his eyes he looks directly into mine. “If you won’t do it to speak with your father, won’t you at least go to find a suitable knight to accompany you?” His deep voice is so much softer than before, like a warm cotton blanket. Rough, but comfortable.

I move Babie’s reigns to slowly direct her until she's standing close enough to Alfie that I can reach and put my hand on Cas’ arm.

He looks down at my hand as if confused. However, he then looks back up into my eyes.

“You heard Rowena, too,” I pause, waiting for his confirmation.

Eventually, he gives me a slow nod as if he's just catching up to me. “It’s a long journey...” he begins.

“...And you will have to face the burdens of love during it. For there is no other way to know love.” I continue, then give him a pointed look so he knows to say the next line.

“Love is blind.” He continues, looking down at Alfie’s reigns.

“Love is selfless.” I list the second item on the list, waiting for him to say the next one.

“Love is kind.” He concludes the list, pausing for a moment as if expecting me to continue once again but I don’t. Eventually, he gives in, “your road lies ahead, but take someone you trust. For loneliness is a sickness of the heart...” he trails off, sounding unsure.

I decide to recite the very last part for him, “and love is its cure.”

He nods like I needed the confirmation that Rowena did indeed say that. Regardless he ends up frowning, tilting his head to the side in confusion. “What do her words have to do with your avoidance of returning to the castle?”

“I need to bring someone I can trust, Cas.” I squeeze his shoulder and smile at him. “There is no knight in that castle I trust more than you.”

Cas stares at me wide-eyed for a moment.

Alfie neighs, it almost feels like even he agrees.

“But...” Cas looks down at Alfie and pets his mane as if the horse actually knew what bothered him. Eventually, he looks up at me once again. “What about your father?”

I look up at the night sky, a breeze passes through the forest. I chuckle, he's gonna say yes. “Well, it is the middle of the night, Cas. We can head to the village and send him a letter.”

Cas sighs and squeezes Alfie’s reigns. “Alright, I will accompany you.”

“Yes!” I almost jump for joy right then and there, throwing my hands up in the air. Babie neighs happily as well.

Cas squints at me, “Be careful, you can hurt your wrist doing that.”

I frown, “don’t try to spoil my mood.” 

He smiles, then pulls Alfie’s reigns, softly redirecting him towards the village once again.

I follow him and soon we find ourselves continuing in a much more comfortable silence than before.

We continue on our way and in time arrive at the nearest village with no incident. As we walk into the silent village I thank the darkness of the night for the lack of people out on the street.

We head to an inn and Cas, with some of the coins I brought, goes inside to get us a room for the night.

I stay outside with Babie and Alfie. I find a spot to tie their reigns on and leave them to rest until morning.

The village is peaceful and quiet, it feels calm. A part of me wishes to stay here and forget about my troubles. No curse, no Rowena, not even my father to bother me. I pet Babie absentmindedly as I ponder how my life would be without this curse. What it would be like if I could have this peace all the time.

After a bit, Cas comes out, his armor clinks as he approaches us. He pets Alfie a little, calming the usually nervous horse down. “I got us a room.” He finally says, “I also talked to the innkeeper, she’ll help us buying supplies for the trip as well.”

“Awesome, let’s get moving then.” I smile at him, then turn around towards the inn. I head inside and soon after Cas follows right behind me.

We head to the room we’ll be sleeping in for the night. A simple bedroom with two beds, a wooden nightstand with an oil lamp in the middle and a single window.

I begin to get ready to sleep, taking off my riding gloves, boots, quiver, bow, and cloak. I notice Cas standing stiffly off to the side, his back to the wall. I pause to look at him, “not planning on sleeping, Cas?”

He tenses up slightly. “My armor is not exactly compatible with sleeping.”

“So take it off,” I shrug, trying not to make a big deal of it.

“I will, just... eventually.” He tries to dismiss the issue, but he clearly seems uncomfortable.

I frown at him. He stands even closer to the wall and seems to fidget a little, switching his weight from one leg to the other.

I sigh and get up, heading for the door. “Please, get changed, you need to sleep too.”

“Thank you, Dean...” He whispers as I open the door and head out.

I don’t answer him, instead, I close the door and just stand out in the hallway. I knew he was self-conscious about the whole knight thing but I didn’t think it would ever make him uncomfortable around me.

I wait outside, occasionally playing with the coin hanging around my neck, currently pointing south.

After a while Cas opens the door, armorless under his cloak, wearing simple linen clothes.

I go in and we don’t talk about it. We just lie in our beds in silence. With time, I fall asleep.

If I had a dream, I don’t remember it once I wake up. I was so exhausted it feels like no time passed between me closing my eyes and me opening them now. Like it was just a blink.

Still, there Cas stands next to the window, in full armor once again, with the sunlight illuminating his features.

I rub my eyes, trying to adjust to the sunlight. I sit up on my bed and turn to Cas. “Is it a good morning?” I ask him before yawning.

He turns to look at me. “I think so. I wrote the letter to your father and sent it on its way.”

“Woah, Cas! Did you even sleep?” I ask, incredulous, it can’t be that late.

“Yes, Your Majesty, I slept well enough.” He answers, squinting at me. Annoyingly back to his formalities, I see.

Well, never mind that. Never mind anything. In the back of my mind, I realize he probably woke up earlier on purpose to avoid putting on his armor with me around. So I just push all that aside because I'm not ready to confront him about it. “We should get going, it’s gonna be a long trip.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Just ignore it, Dean.

I get up from the bed and start putting all of my gear back on. “What about the supplies?” I ask, remembering how he mentioned making a deal with the innkeeper.

“Yes, I checked with the innkeeper as well, she told me we should just pick them up on our way out.” He answers matter of factly.

“Alright, that works, I guess.” I focus on making sure everything is in place, can’t be leaving arrows behind or stuff like that.

Once I'm sure I have everything I open the door, “let’s go then.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

We walk to the front of the inn where Cas speaks to the innkeeper, a curvy brown-haired woman I didn’t really get to see the night before. She giggles when Cas approaches her and I frown. I avoid looking directly at her, however, I don’t wanna risk it.

“I’m gonna take a look at Babie and Alfie,” I decide to excuse myself and head outside, going directly for where I left them last night. We also need to make sure they are ready to go as well. We’ll be leaving soon after all.

However, on my way to them, I accidentally crash with a young maiden on her way inside the inn. The basket she was carrying falls, she yelps in surprise.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize almost automatically and bend down to pick her basket. As I hand it to her I make the mistake of looking at her and once I do she's gone.

“Wha-what’s your name?” She stammers out, blushing.

“Ah... sorry, I really have to go.” I try to excuse myself and get away from her.

She grabs my hand before I can get too far. “Wait! Please don’t go, I-I think I love you. You can’t leave me!”

Oh, no. This is bad. I look around and realize too late that her little outburst has gotten many of the passerby's attention and the moment I see them, they fall under my charm too.

_This is very bad!_

I look in horror as almost all the women and men in the street, who had been going through their day, all come walking towards me.

“What’s your name?” asks another woman from across the street.

“Do you like fruit, sir? I have only the best, I could give you some!” calls the merchant on the fruit stand next to her.

“Hey, why are you holding his arm?!” A rather aggressive girl accuses the one still grabbing me by the arm, as she starts walking towards us.

“Sir, would you like some flowers?” asks a petite girl holding some wildflowers. How did she get next to me so fast?

As all at once they start to approach, wanting me to answer them, they begin to speak over each other. “You’re so cute!” calls an elderly woman. “Sir, please try out my bread, I baked it myself,” “please, sir, can I give you a hug?” “Would you like to go meet my parents?”

I start backing up nervously, almost tripping on the front door of the inn. I frantically turn around and try to open it, taking my arm away from the girl clutching it.

Sadly once I open the door I find myself face to face with an elderly woman who instantly tries to hug me. “Oh, you are such an adorable young lad. I just wanna pinch your cheeks!”

I yelp from the unexpected surprise but manage to duck before she gets her hands on me.

Desperate to get away I slip in between the multitude of people on my right. Some try to grab me, asking for me to please don’t go. I just run.

Unfortunately, some of them decide to follow me.

I need to think quick! I have to go back into the inn and find Cas before this gets any worse. I continue to run and notice there is another, smaller, street behind the buildings on this side.

It’s risky but, looking over my shoulder, turning around is also risky.

I take a deep breath and in the next alley I turn right and run in between the building so I can double back towards the inn.

The reduced space seems to make it a bit harder for them to follow me en masse, but it also makes my life a bit harder as this back street is full of garbage and other discarded things. I find myself having to jump over several kinds of debris that have been left back here, broken wood barrels and empty crates.

Once I get to the inn I slip in between the buildings again and head back on to the main street. I keep my eyes down to avoid catching anyone else under my ‘charm.’

I finally make it to the front of the inn and thankfully find Cas standing right outside, looking around in confusion, holding a bag of some sort.

“Cas!” I yelled with relief, I'm so glad I don’t have to go in to look for him.

“What’s going on? Why weren’t you waiting for me?” He questions me, clearly concerned.

“I don’t have much time, quick hide me!” I tell him, desperate to get away from the sight of everyone long enough for them to calm down.

Cas furrows his brows, but before he can question the situation any further the leader of the pack following me comes out of the alley calling out to me.

“Please come back, you’re so adorable! I just wanna hug you,” one of them complains.

Cas looks at them, over my shoulder, and his eyes fill with understanding. Before I can catch up to what he's doing, he grabs me by the arm and heads inside of the inn.

In a hurry, he rushes to find a place to hide, and that is how we end up in what seems to be a small and cramped storage room.

He closes the door, resting his back on it as if to block anyone from trying to open it. He looks at me, eyes filled with worry. “Is this normal?” he questions.

“Uh... Sometimes.” I decide to answer. This is a strong mass reaction, not something that has exactly happened before, but I haven’t been around large crowds of people in a while.

Before I can give it more time Cas speaks once more, “will they stop?”

“Of course,” so far no one has stayed under the effects of the charm for more than an hour or so, and that’s only been some specific cases. “It may take a bit, but as long as they don’t see me they will eventually forget about it.”

Cas nods, then places his hand on his mouth, seemingly lost in thought. “So we just need to prevent it from recurring...”

I'm not sure where he's going with that, but I nod deciding that he's right. If we can avoid a repeat of this we can leave in peace.

“Alright, Your Majesty.” He takes in a deep breath and then sighs, “I have a plan, but I am not sure if it’s the right course of action.”

“Tell you what,” I smirk. “I bet if you ask Dean, he’d be totally up for it.” Yeah, Cas I still notice you not calling me by my name.

His eyes widen in surprise and he clears his voice. “My apologies, you told me yesterday that you trust me and I–It’s just hard to...” He trails off and looks away, shaking his head as if chastising himself. “Nevermind... Dean.”

Had I known that’s what would finally make him change his mind on calling me ‘Your Majesty’ I would have tried it earlier. Usually, he would just lecture me on how it was only proper etiquette or something like that.

I smile at him. Hearing him say my name without anger in his gravelly voice makes me a bit happier than it should. It’s been too long.

“I was thinking about using a blindfold.” He says, looking for something under his cloak. He then pulls out a blue kerchief he seemed to have tied around his arm. “The magic is in your eyes, after all.”

I recognize it as one I gave him a couple of years back when he was about to become a knight. I told him it was for good luck. I chuckle, “you kept that.”

“Of course I did.” He says simply, his voice low and calm as if it was just a little bit of trivia. “So, would you like to try the blindfold?” He asks, extending the kerchief towards me.

I think about it for a moment. He has a point, if I can’t look at them then they can’t be affected by my charm. But... “You’ll guide me?”

“Yes.” He smiles, just a little pull at the corner of his lips. “We can’t have the prince making a fool of himself in front of his subjects, can we?”

I laugh. “Nothing can make me look like a fool, I'm Dean Winchester.” I brag confidently, playing along.

“Sure, sure. Turn around then,” Cas asks me nonchalantly. I almost laugh again. It’s just like before, when we used to instinctively know what the other had in mind. He already knew I was going to try it.

I turn around and he ties the kerchief over my eyes. The room was already sort of dark so it doesn’t seem like such a big difference. “You think we should go now?” I ask, I'm not sure if everyone will have forgotten about me yet.

“It’ll be okay if anyone from before is still around we can handle it without causing another mob.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and slowly turns me around.

He holds my arm to guide me, “come on, let’s go.” I hear the door opening and we head outside.

We are walking, down the hall I assume. So far we walk without issue. It’s a little odd, not being able to see where I'm going, but I let Cas guide me.

“We are turning right.” He says softly, his gravelly voice low and close to my ear. Just as he said, he begins turning to the right and I do the same.

“We have to bring Babie and Alfie.” I remind him once I hear him opening a door I assume to be the front door of the inn. The noise of the streets confirms this to me.

“Don’t worry, we can just walk them. We are turning left.” He reassures me, “I have done this before, Alfie is used to it, and Babie is a very loyal horse.” We then turn left as he said.

I nod and smile, “you are not wrong.”

After a couple of steps, I hear a familiar horse neigh and Cas lets go of my arm. “Please wait here, don’t move okay? I will tie the supplies to the horses and then bring them over.”

“Okay, Cas,” I reassure him and do my best to wait for him. It’s odd, to know he's around somewhere but not being able to see him, hear him, or even touch him. I just have to trust he's there and will come back soon, as he said. It’s like having faith...

Before I can think about it much more, I hear Cas’ voice. “Here are Babie’s reigns, Dean.” He puts the leather reigns on my right hand and I grab them.

“Is-is she standing beside me?” I ask, somehow feeling warmer.

“Yes.” He answers softly, “here...” He grabs my other hand and slowly guides it to rest on what feels like her shoulder. Her familiar coarse hair under my fingers gives me comfort even through my gloves.

“Hey, Babie!” I pet her like I usually do, “you been a good girl?”

She neighs happily in response and I laugh.

I pull my hand away from her. “Are we going then?”

“Yes, I think we are clear.” Comes Cas’ answer from my left, he then takes my arm once again.

“Be careful, the road is a little uneven,” he warns as we begin walking. “We will mostly be walking straight down the street.”

I take a few steps and I feel the rocky road under my feet. I can hear the village bursting with life as we walk through. It’s weird, but even though I can’t see, it’s like this is the most normal I’ve ever felt.

We walk through the village and the merchants, the kids, the baker, the women running errands, they are all there... I can hear all of them, but none of them, not a single one, stop what they’re doing to talk to me.

Before I can contain myself a tear runs down my cheek, despite the kerchief over my eyes. I feel it tickling down on its way to the ground.

“I had no idea it was that bad...” Cas says, worry stinging his gravelly voice and making it rougher. I feel him bring his hand up to my cheek and slowly wiping my tear away.

“It’s been getting worse,” I admit.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” The offer kind of makes me wanna cry more, it’s been such a long time...

I nod. “You know everyone reacts slightly differently, but generally the effects are stronger and lasting longer,” I explain, not sure what more to say.

“Does it bother you?” He asks softly, his voice low and dipped with concern.

I sigh. “It does, Cas. A lot.” I shake my head, trying to keep my frustration in check. “It always bothers me but this is worse, I wonder if one day it will get to the point where the effects will never go away...”

“I understand your worry, Dean,” Cas says, squeezing my arm. “We are almost out of the village,” he reassures me. “It’s gonna be okay, you’re gonna break the curse.” It kinda feels like he sort of forced those last words out, but he goes back to leading me. “We need to turn left now, Dean.”

We turn left and I feel the change on the road from rocks to dirt. We are on the outskirts of the village.

“Let’s walk a little bit further,” he suggests, “just to make sure no one else sees you.”

I nod. He's way better at this than I thought he would be... “Hey, Cas?”

“Yes?”

“Why are you so good a this?” I ask him, out of curiosity. He did also say that Alfie was ‘used to this’ I thought it was just walking, but maybe he means walking with someone who can’t see...

He stays quiet for a moment and then Alfie snorts. I feel Cas’ muscles tense and then relax as he sighs, “Jack is blind, Dean.”

“What?!” I can’t believe I had no idea, how could I not know that his nephew is blind? I knew he got hurt during the fire at the castle, but no one ever told me anything beyond that. “Why? Is that the reason you don’t bring him to the castle anymore?” Is him going blind related to the incident? I know he fainted but...

He squeezes my arm again and it bothers me that I can’t see his face. “It’s okay, Dean. You are correct,” he sighs. “It’s better for him to be somewhere where he can memorize his surroundings and can handle himself.”

I try to contain how upset I am. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I just didn’t want you to worry about him...”

Before I can argue against that, he stops and lets go of my arm.

“We are outside of the village, now.” I feel him stepping away from me and I take off the blindfold without hesitation.

Before I open my eyes I pause a moment and take in the silence of the forest and the rusting of the leaves.

The moment of quiet almost calms me down completely. When I open my eyes I see Cas waiting expectantly. “Is he gonna be okay without you?” I ask, instead of arguing with him. “You still have time to go back.”

Cas shakes his head, “he has Gabriel.” Cas smiles, “I sent them a letter too.” So Jack is with Cas’ brother, then.

I nod and look down, still, Gabriel can be a little wild sometimes... “If I had known—”

“Dean. I didn’t tell you, so you couldn’t have known. It’s okay, I promise.” He looks very determined.

Cas mounts Alfie in one swift motion and pets his shoulder. “Come on, Dean. We gotta move while the sun is still out. You still have to go easy on your wrist so we can’t ride as fast as usual.”

I nod, deciding to drop the subject too. I mount Babie and pull out the enchanted coin, it’s pointing north.

Still... the conversation bothers me. He said it’s okay. Is it okay to go or is it okay that I didn’t know? It kinda irks me. What other things had he decided not to tell me? We are further apart than I thought.


	5. I Was Never Selfless

I pant heavily and feel the pommel of the sword, cold and heavy in my hand pulling my tired body to the ground and making my wrist ache just a little bit.

I would have never thought that after just a few days Cas would go from lecturing me for using my bow to getting me a sword to practice sword fighting with him. Granted, my wrist is much better, it’s been 6 days since we left the village and he had been making sure I don’t strain it until today.

“You were always better than me at sword fighting,” I concede, he wiped the grass with me.

Cas supports himself on the bark of a tree, panting as well. “You are just rusty.”

Well, he's not wrong. Sam was never one for sword fighting and with my eyes... Well, the only person I can ever have a fair fight with is Cas, and he hadn’t been interested in that in quite some time. But, I decide not to complain.

“Yeah well, I’m good for today,” I say, kneeling down to sit on the grass. All of my muscles ache from the amount of exercise. This is very different than just shooting at targets with my bow.

“Are you sure?” Cas asks.

“Are you kidding? I don’t think I can stand up for another hour at least.”

Cas laughs, I’ve been hearing it more often now but it still tickles my nostalgia. “I just want you to be ready, in case we need to fight.”

I place down the sword beside me and decide to lay down on the grass. I put my arms under my head and stare up at the clouds. “Do you really think that would be an issue?” It’s just been so peaceful here in the forest. It seems impossible that there is anyone here that would want to fight with us.

“It’s been too quiet...” Cas says, reading my thoughts, except he seems to take more from them than I do. “It makes me uneasy,” he concludes.

“I think it’s nice...” I take in a big chunk of air and try to relax my aching muscles. “It’s calm and peaceful, kinda makes me wanna live here instead.”

Cas chuckles, “you know you can’t do that.”

“I know.”

We lay in silence for a bit and I'm almost starting to fall asleep when I hear the hooves of a horse slowly moving over the grass. I look to my side and see Babie slowly walking towards me, she stops at a safe distance and then lowers her head bringing it next to mine.

I laugh, “what are you doing?”

She snorts and then bumps my cheek with her nose.

I bring my hands up to pet her cheeks. “I get it, you need attention too.”

Cas laughs, he doesn’t seem to have moved at all either. “She really does love you, huh?”

I smile up at Babie who stares back at me as if she understood what we were saying. “I guess she does,” I decide. Then I start laughing and jokingly say, “I guess if Babie was a human all my problems would be solved.”

Cas snorts, “I’m not sure that’s how it works.”

I chuckle, “what do you mean?”

“That just loving you would be enough...”

“Well—” I was going to try and get in another joke, but something deep in my gut pulls against it and I stop, swallowing the words in my throat.

I pat Babie and she moves slowly away, giving me enough space to sit up. I want to look at Cas, to see what he means.

But Cas is not looking at me. He stood up at some point and looks towards the forest with his back to me. Alfie, who probably came back with Babie, stands a little bit off to his side.

“We should get going, Dean. Take advantage of the sunlight.” He suddenly changes the subject, and we are back on the topic of our journey.

He's not entirely wrong, so I get up and walk up to him. I take out the enchanted coin to look at it, it’s now pointing west, I think, further into the forest. Further away from any village that I know of. “Well, I hope you are wrong,” I tell him offhandedly.

Cas furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“About the forest being too quiet.” I rub the coin in between my fingers and bite my lip, suddenly feeling uneasy. “The coin is pointing us deeper into the forest, if my memory is correct.”

Cas nods. After a small pause, he speaks up, “it's okay. We have enough supplies.”

“I'm not really sure if that's what we should be worried about,” I chuckle. “Well, we will only know for sure if we get moving, right?” I try to not think about it much more and mount Babie, who seems to be excited to get moving. I wonder if its because she's tired of the forest.

“I suppose I’ll have to agree with you,” Cas concludes, mounting Alfies as well. He then turns to follow me.

We move at a comfortable pace, my wrist doesn’t bother me while I ride Babie anymore, but so far from civilization, it’s harder to go too fast anyway. We have mostly been traversing forest after all. On the plus side, that means there has been plenty of wood to make campfires every night and a lot of streams for Babie and Alfie to drink water from.

After a while I hear water in the distance, it’s faint at first but you can tell we are moving closer and closer to it. The sound grows louder and louder over time.

“It sounds far too loud now to be a simple stream,” Cas comments.

“It’s definitely something bigger than that,” I agree with him. The terrain has also begun to change, the further we go the more rocks we find each time, bigger and bigger ones.

“I think we may be close to the bottom of the small mountain range in the area,” Cas suggests.

He's probably right. The forest is too thick for us to have seen the mountains before, but if my geography classes taught me right then I think we should be close to them. We could barely see them from the castle, I almost can’t believe we are that far away now.

“Maybe it’s a waterfall, then.” I propose. “Why would we need to go to a waterfall?” I ask mostly to myself.

“I... am not quite sure either, Dean,” is Cas’ answer.

I chuckle, “never change, Cas.”

He gives me a smile and a nod, but say nothing more. 

The trees begin to diminish and soon we can see the source of the sound. There is a waterfall, falling down onto a lake with a couple of side streams coming out of it. No wonder we found water so easily up to this point. The area is very rocky, but also very beautiful. Flowers and bushes grow around the lake.

I look down at the coin, it points directly at the waterfall. I squint, confused.

“What’s wrong?” asks Cas, stopping Alfie right next to Babie so he can look over and see the coin himself.

“I think the coin is pointing at the waterfall,” I explain to him. I dismount Babie, then turn to her to pet her. “Stay here. Okay, girl?”

She neighs happily in response. I walk towards the waterfall to make sure.

Cas dismounts Alfie to follow me as I walk around moving the coin to make sure it’s not pointing somewhere else.

Upon looking closer I realize the coin is actually pointing at a little bit of an angle. I'm about to head in that direction instead, when an arrow lands beside my feet. “Bandits!” I warn Cas as I pull out my own bow and arrow. I duck behind a tree as another arrow comes my way.

Cas pulls out his sword and before I know it he's engaged in a fight with a weird, lanky guy wearing a yellow scarf.

Afraid to hurt Cas, I divert my attention to the bushes and the trees. I try to find whoever is shooting arrows at me. I’m pretty sure I have them in my sight when suddenly I feel a sting on my forearm. “Argh!”

I roll away from behind the tree and turn around to see I had just been ambushed by one of the bandits. “Damn it!” I crawl away from the guy since I had been crouching down on the floor.

“Dean!” Cas realizes what is going on and pushes the guy he's fighting with away, trying to get to me to help. But the guy he just pushed away does not relent and comes after him. Before I'm really sure what’s going on he pushes Cas onto the lake.

“Fuck!” All of the bandits turn their attention to me and with the heavy armor Cas can’t even dream to get out by himself. I scramble to put enough distance between them and me while I attempt to aim with my bow. If I don’t get rid of them soon Cas will drown, he can’t swim with his armor on.

You know what would really get rid of them quick? An arrow to the knee. Those hurt, probably. Because the guy with the yellow scarf rolls on the floor in pain. “You stupid idiots!”

The other two guys approach him and I take the moment to take out my sword. My wound stings horribly, but I ignore it and turn my sword on them. “You sons of bitches better fucking run away,” I warn them.

They try to fight back, but they seem to be scared now that their leader is temporarily out of commission. Not even three strikes later, the guys turn tail and run away, their boss calling them cowards while they complain about how I was beating their asses despite being hurt. I drop my sword on the floor and rush towards the lake, the stress from the fight catching up to me.

I dive in to get Cas up to the surface. When I get to him he's thankfully still conscious, seemingly he was able to hold his breath in time, but I don’t think he has much longer. I grab him and do my best to pull him up with me. It’s a very difficult task, he's heavy as hell and the deep cut on my arm burns from the strain.

I manage to break to the surface and make it to the edge of the lake. I hold on to it, panting. I help Cas do the same, with difficulty.

We both stay there catching our breath for a moment. My arm starts hurting gravely now that the adrenaline is dying out. I feel a deep sting that almost feels like my muscle is being torn apart. I do my best not to complain, for Cas’ sake, he's worried enough as it is.

I turn to him, concerned. “Are you okay?”

Cas coughs, “I-I think so, Dean...” He coughs again and a small amount of water leaves his mouth as he does. “You—”

“Yeah, yeah, I didn’t have to. Please don’t say that.” I sigh, and then begin to pull myself up from the lake with a lot of effort. “Argh.” Despite trying to hold it in I end up letting out a painful yelp as I pull myself up.

Once I'm out I turn to help Cas come out of the water as well. He's very heavy but eventually, with a lot of effort he manages to come out of the lake as well.

He kneels down on the grass, panting, and crawls away from the water. When he's a safe distance away he lays down on the grass and sighs.

I decide to do the same and lay down beside him.

At first, we just lay there trying to fully catch our breaths. The pain on my arm is not as awful when I try not to think about it, although it still stings considerably.

Once we stop panting Cas is the first to speak up. “Dean, that was really dangerous.” He sighs, “you are already hurt, you shouldn’t have helped me...”

“Cas.” I try my best to keep my voice firm and confident, I did the right thing there is no questioning that. “I had to help you, no matter what, there is no way I could have just stood there. Waiting for you to magically not drown.” I explain without any second thoughts about it.

“But the armor is so heavy, your wound, it...” Cas turns sideways to look at me and I can tell he's looking at my arm.

It’s right beside him and probably still bleeding. I feel self-conscious about it and cover the cut with my other hand.

Cas sighs and looks away. “You could have made it worse,” he admonishes

“And you would have drowned!” I accuse. Does he not get it? There is no way I could be so selfish! Sparing myself some pain could never justify losing him, or even causing him pain. I’d rather lose my arm, I care about him too much, I wouldn’t even question it.

He doesn’t answer that, seemingly lost for words.

I sigh, letting go of my arm. Then cover my eyes with my good arm. “There is no way I—”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas interrupts me mid-sentence and I just can’t make myself continue to tell him off about it.

I take my arm off my face and turn to him. “You don’t have to thank me, Cas. Just don’t get mad at me for it, I can’t help it.” I start laughing, feeling far more lighthearted now. “Ouch!” The motion makes my arm stings once more and I decide to sit up to look at it.

Cas sits up as well. “Let me take a look.”

I let him, coming in closer to him. He holds my arm and for a moment despite the chirping birds, the setting sun, and the obvious lack of brick walls, I feel like we are back in the castle.

“This cut is deep, Dean.” He furrows his brows with worry and his voice is grave and rough. “The good thing is it didn’t make it all the way through the muscle, it’ll be better with time.”

He stands up and walks up to Alfie, who still seems a little nervous from the attack but thankfully didn’t run away. 

He comes back with a bandage and some kind of ointment. “This is gonna sting,” he warns, opening it.

“It already stings,” I chuckle.

It makes him smile, just a little bit, like usual. “You are going to be more careful than before, this is more serious than a sprained wrist.”

“It’s okay, you’ll look out for me.” I smile, even though my arm is very uncomfortable as he pokes at it with the medicine. He's delicate about it, but he was not lying about it stinging.

He smiles at me, this time looking straight into my eyes. “I will.”

He then wraps up the wound with the bandage. It’s a little tight but I know that’s sort of the point.

As the sun already began to set, it's becoming darker by the minute. “We should start a campfire,” I suggest.

Cas looks up at the sky. “We really don’t have much time, let me take care of it.”

My first instinct is to refuse and help him anyway, but I look at him and stop myself. I think I get it, he's looking out for me. So instead I nod in agreement. “I got it.”

He smiles and leaves to go look for firewood.

I get up and walk up to Babie so I can pet her for a bit.

She softly bumps her head with mine and stares at me with her shiny black eyes. Makes me wonder if she was worried.

“I’m okay, Babie,” I tell her, trying to soothe the concern in her eyes.

She pulls away from me and snorts.

I burst out laughing instantly. “Hey, now! Don’t get me wrong, it hurts a lot, but I had to save Cas.”

She neighs happily when I say that.

I pat her cheek. “You like Cas, huh?” I ask her, half expecting her to ignore me.

But she actually nods her head almost excitedly. Making her mane flop around with the motion.

I laugh even more then, I can’t believe she actually did that. “Okay, okay, I get it. You are one very smart horse, huh?”

When I say that she turns her head to the side as if she was trying to flip her mane on my face.

A couple of feet to the side Alfie snorts, before going back to eating grass. These two are unbelievable sometimes.

I walk back towards the lake and carefully pick up my quiver and bow from where I left them before I’d jumped into it. I decide to put them back on, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to use it. Right now my arm hurts too much to even think about tensing the bow to fire an arrow, but, I don’t like the idea of being unarmed, especially not after those bandits attacked us.

Shortly after Cas comes back, it’s already a little dark, but soon we set up the campfire and sit around it. It’s warm and bright, the perfect companion on this cold night.

Cas has been quiet since he came back. But eventually, he does speak up. “Are you sure about this, Dean?” His voice is quiet and low, thoughtful.

“About what?” I ask, confused by the sudden question.

“About the journey...” He clarifies.

I nod, I understand. After what happened today... But if I'm being fair to myself even before that I had doubts. “Well... I’ve never been completely sure, to begin with, but of all the options I have this is the one that gives me hope.”

Cas looks at me for a moment, confusion fills his blue eyes. “Why?” He pauses for a moment and I guess there is more than just ‘why?’ coming. “Why are you unsure, if it gives you hope?”

I poke at the fire with a wooden stick, watching the flames dance around in response. It’s like there is a knot in my throat. Even though Cas has been more open with me in the last few days than in the past two years combined I still feel uneasy. I worry that he’ll go back to just parroting what my father says, like before. I worry about him closing himself off again, without explaining why. Or worse, maybe this time he tells me why and it hurts like a bitch. I can’t help but treat our relationship with care.

I take in a deep breath and swallow. “I just don’t know if I can really fall in love,” I confess, and I'm impressed I could actually say that without my voice shaking.

“You’re... afraid,” Cas says that word as if it suddenly had new meaning. He puts a hand on my shoulder, the good one. “Dean... there is no reason to be afraid.” He reassures me but, strangely, he doesn’t sound so sure himself.

“I know, I know.” I look at him and sigh. “It’s just that everywhere I go everyone I meet would always instantly like me. They start treating me nicely, like I’m special, even though we just met. I just can’t imagine falling in love with anyone because it all just feels fake,” I explain, trying to not let it get to me.

His eyes are wide with understanding. He nods slowly and then squeezes my shoulder softly. “It’s okay, Dean. I’m sure you can fall in love, just like everyone else.”

I look down at my lap, furrowing my brows. “I hope so, but even if I do, how would I even know?” I notice a wildflower in the grass and pick it up on a whim. I stare at it, turning it around by the stem, its blue petals contrast with the orange of the fire in the background. “How can I know what love is supposed to be like if no one’s ever loved me for me. It’s always been because of the curse.” A soft breeze blows by and I let go of the wildflower. It floats away with the wind.

Cas sighs and we remain in silence for a moment. I think that maybe he doesn’t know what to say anymore and maybe I should change the subject. But before I can think of something, he speaks up again. “It is hard to explain but I’ll try.”

I turn to look at him, surprised. I nod for him to continue.

“I guess some people would say that you just know, and maybe that sounds like it makes no sense. But it can be just like that, you look at someone, and then you realize they are special to you,” he explains in a calm tone, low and soft. It feels as if he was contemplating his explanation; like he was explaining it to himself as well.

I chuckle, however. “That kinda sounds like my curse.”

He smiles, amused as well. “To an extent it does, but there is more.” He says, going back to being a little bit more serious, looking off into the distance. “When they are not around, you miss them. When they are in trouble, you worry, you want to do what you can just to help them. And when you are with them...” His voice dies down, slow and grave. He pauses, looking down at the fire.

“Yeah?” I prod him to continue, not wanting him to linger in what almost feels like a somber note.

He sighs and closes his eyes. “You want to show them how you feel. To kiss them or hug them, to be with them.” He blushes slightly and opens his eyes again. He looks to the side, away from me.

I feel like a knot catches in my throat; like there is not enough air for me to breath and I could suffocate. “Oh.” I understand, I think. Cas is talking about someone… I get it, it’s normal, but a part of me still feels uncomfortable. Like the idea of Cas liking someone, without me even knowing who is just not quite right.

He continues, “It can be... intense. You could feel nervous or jealous, but you can also feel immense joy.” It’s interesting to hear about things I haven’t felt before and I try to imagine it. How would it be to feel jealousy over someone? Would I be angry? Or would I be uncomfortable…

Cas then finally looks at me once more, his deep blue eyes stare into mine. “Sometimes, you feel like time has stopped and everyone else is irrelevant.”

A long pause extends between us. I wonder about who it could be. Who could make Cas feel like time has stopped? Does he miss them now? Did he write them a letter too? There is so much that Cas didn’t tell me, and things he still hasn’t told me. The gap between us has become wider than I thought it was and a part of me is scared of jumping to the other side. I furrow my brow, bothered by my own thoughts.

Cas looks at me and smiles a little, he sighs. Then he adds, “in a way you can say love is hard to explain because it can be so many things. It’s okay, Dean, I’m sure one day you’ll get it.”

The light from the campfire reflects in his eyes. I stop to stare at the flames dancing in their reflections. I guess he took my frowning as confusion rather than concern, but I don’t correct him. I just smile at him and wonder if maybe this is what time stopping feels like.


	6. I am no Prince, Today

Cas and I stand on top of a hill with Babie and Alfie. Down in the valley lies a village. This is the first time we come across one like this in our journey so far.

The village is bustling with activity, even from here you can see people coming and going from everywhere. The faint sound of music can be heard in the distance accompanying the calls of everyone else going about their lives.

I look down at the coin, clearly pointing in the direction of the village. “What do you think, Cas?”

Cas moves Alfie just a tad bit closer so that he can take a look over my shoulder. He pauses and then looks back at the village. “It seems to be very crowded, Dean.”

“It looks like there is music, right?” It’s more than just everyday errands making the village so busy.

“Regardless, we should probably walk around the outskirts.” He suggests.

I turn to look at him, confused. “Why would we need to...” I trail off as his expression fills with worry.

“Dean, your eyes,” he clarifies. His voice is rough and rocky, a tinge of sadness at edges.

A tense silence grows around us instantly. It’s not like I forgot, not completely, it’s always in the back of my mind. It’s the reason we are making this trip. “We-we could use the blindfold again,” I suggest anyways.

Cas gives me a grave look, the kind he gives me when I do something reckless and hurt myself. With furrowed brows and crossed arm, he stares at me, expectantly.

“We can just use the blindfold and stay at the inn all day, come on!” I insist, ignoring his annoyed expression.

“Dean.” He says my name sternly, like a warning.

“Come on, Cas! Let’s just try it, we’ve been in the forest for so long.” The liveliness of the village and the beat of the drums in the music make me ache to be down there. I know I can’t be out and about like everyone else, but I’d rather be there inside the inn than sleeping in the forest. At least for one night.

“You really want to go that much?” Cas asks, more concerned than angry now.

I nod, “we should at least sleep on an actual bed for once.” I shrug, trying not to make it such a big deal despite me basically begging him.

Cas sighs, “okay... Okay, you are right.”

“Yes! Blindfold me then.” I smile, delighted, it’s a little hard to believe that I'm so willing to do something like that, but my situation is unique and this is Cas. I trust Cas so I’m not scared at all. I dismount Babie and wait.

“Alright,” He says as he dismounts Alfie. He unties his kerchief from his arm, the same one he used last time. Then, he walks behind me and in one swift motion puts it over my eyes. I feel his hands tying it at the back of my head. He puts his hand on my shoulder. “You okay, Dean?”

I put my hand on his, trying to reassure him, “I am.”

“Le–let’s go then.” He tries to slip his hand away from mine, but I stop him, holding his hand tighter.

“This should be fine,” I chuckle, “I feel like an old man when you grab my arm the other way. This reminds me of when we were kids.”

After a moment of silence, he switches the hand I’m holding and brings them down to our sides. Guess I was holding the wrong hand if I had plans of us walking around, a part of me wants to laugh about it.

“I remember that too.” His voice sounds distant, like he's far away, lost in our memories, rather than standing beside me. “You used to run around everywhere and you would hold my hand to make sure I followed you.” I can hear the smile on his voice.

I squeeze his hand. “We had fun, right?” I remember one particular time we ran into Sam. He didn’t have time to look at me so we just crashed into him and he started crying. He was barely four years old.

I suddenly feel Cas pulling at my hand and, before I have time to think about what he's doing, we are running down the hill.

I start laughing, “I think this is the most reckless thing you’ve ever done!” I say that, but I'm following him anyway instead of letting go, blindfold and all.

Cas laughs as well, “you are probably right!”

I hear Babie and Alfie playfully neigh from behind us, followed by the sound of their hooves.

“Woah! Careful,” I warn, as the dirt beneath my feet becomes more rocky and uneven. I start losing my balance.

“We should slow down,” Cas agrees. I feel him tightening the grip on my hand as he tries to stop.

I try to slow down as well, but gravity wins and I end up rolling down the rest of the hill. Judging by the clinking of the metal of what must be Cas’ armor, I took him down the hill with me. We lose our momentum pretty quick, we must have already been almost at the base of the hill.

“Ouch!” I yelp as I finally stop, knocking into something hard and cold. I touch it with my hand and recognize it as metal. “Cas?”

“Sorry, Dean,” he apologizes. The source of his gruff voice confirms that he's in front of me.

“Don’t worry,” I laugh, “I probably deserved that,” for all the times I did the same to him as kids.

I feel the big metal plate my hand is resting on moves and I realize Cas must be standing up. I want to peek from under the blindfold, but I decide against it because we are much closer to the village now. I just sit down on the ground and then Cas takes my hands to pull me up. I’m a little dizzy at first, but I’m not hurt.

Cas puts his hands on my shoulders, steadying me. “Are you okay, Dean?”

I nod quickly, not wanting him to worry. “Just a little dizzy,” I explain.

“Alright, just stay still. I’ll go get Babie and Alfie,” he requests before letting go of my shoulders.

We are not inside the village yet. I listen more carefully and realize that even though the music does sound closer, it’s not close enough that I should worry about taking off my blindfold. If it really bothered me there would be no problem, but it doesn’t. So I just wait patiently for Cas to return.

After a short moment, I hear hooves approaching calmly. I smile. extending my hand palm up for Cas to give me Babie’s reigns like the last time.

“Here you go, Dean.” He puts the leather reigns on my open hand.

I hold onto them and then put my other hand out for him to take. “Let’s try not to run this time, okay?” I add, teasing him.

He takes my hand with a strong and firm grip. “I’ll try not to,” he responds.

I smile and nod. “Let’s get going then.”

We walk slower this time, of course, calmly heading towards the village. The sound of the music slowly grows as we approach.

“We are almost at the entrance,” Cas explains. I can tell, the music is much louder and I can hear the bustling of the town’s people. Then I feel the change in the ground, going from simple dirt to what feels like a brick road.

“Do you see the inn, Cas?” I ask him, it would probably be better if we found one quick so we can tie up Alfie and Babie, the streets sound very busy and two big horses probably get in the way of everyone else. Then I still have to figure out how to convince Cas to take me out around the town instead of staying in like I asked.

Cas doesn’t answer me however, instead, he stops without warning. It’s a slow pause so I don’t trip, but I have no idea why he stopped. “Dean, I have an idea,” he says in a low voice.

“Really?” I ask, incredulous. Cas deviating from a pre-established plan? I almost want to take off my blindfold to see if there are pigs flying in the sky.

“Yes, let’s turn left,” he announces, firmly holding my hand.

We turn left and walk a short distance before we stop on the side of the road.

“Hello!” greets a female voice. “Can I interest you in buying anything for the festival? We have tinkling bells, traditional hair ornaments, and, of course, beautifully painted masks.”

Masks? How did I not think about that?

While I was wondering if it could work at all it seems that Cas had already picked something up. “Can he try this one?” He asks the lady, casually.

“Umm...” She sounds a little unsure. “Su–sure,” she agrees in the end.

“Dean, keep your eyes closed.” He warns as he takes off my blindfold.

I do as he asks, feeling a little anxious. Or maybe it’s excitement? I just can’t wait to find out if it works.

I feel his hands putting something over my face and once again tying it at the back of my head. I assume it must be a mask. It only covers the top half of my face, from my nose up.

“You can open them now,” he says. His voice is soft, a little bit hopeful, I think. Mostly he's expectant, however.

I open my eyes slowly, still partially scared of the unwanted attention it can cause. Once I open them I realize the holes for the eyes are very small, but they are so close to my face I can still see out of them. Additionally, it seems to have a very thin fabric covering them. It does not impair vision much, but maybe...

I look up at the lady who tends to the stall, right into her eyes, which are a light brown color. “Do you feel any different?” I ask her, hopeful.

“No?” She answers, looking at me strangely and confused.

“Ah–are you sure?” I almost can’t believe it, I don’t even care what the mask looks like, I'm ecstatic.

“I am sure, sir,” she answers more confidently this time.

I smile and she doesn’t change her expression at all. “Let’s buy it!” I say, excitedly. I'm about to jump around with joy, but I'm not a kid.

Cas smiles as well and takes out a pouch of coins to pay her.

I turn to Babie, whose reins I'm still holding. “Do you like it?”

She slightly tilts her head to the side as if unsure of how to respond to me. Finally, she snorts and looks away.

“Aww come on! It’s still me.” I complain, petting her behind her ear.

She turns to me again and neighs happily this time.

I smile and turn back to Cas who finishes paying the lady on the stand. “Do you know where we can find an inn?” I ask.

“Ah yes, it’s close by. Just turn left on the third street from here.” She explained, pointing in the direction we should go. “You should hurry, a lot of people stay there during the festival.”

A festival! I knew something was going on, that’s where all the music is coming from.

“Thank you for your assistance,” he says to the lady as I pull him away from the stand.

I head towards the inn with determination. Cas follows behind me, trying to keep up with my hurried pace.

The streets are filled with stands of merchants selling things for the festival or setting up games for people to play. The music comes from down the street, drums and strings, it’s a very lively beat.

We get to the inn without problems. I go to tie Babie and Alfie at the inn’s stable, leaving Cas to get us a room.

I brush Alfie’s mane away from his face after I tie him at the stable. “You are not that bad, you know? I used to think you were a little dorky.”

Alfie snorts and pulls his face away from me.

“I know, of course, you are not a dork, Cas likes you!” I reach over to pet his cheek affectionately, he has really grown on me over the past few days.

Both of them neigh happily once I mention Cas. I guess Alfie likes Cas too. I turn to pet Babie as well, such a good girl, usually she would be jealous. That seems not to be the case now, with Alfie anyways, maybe she’s grown to like him too.

I leave the stable and head out back to the front of the inn, looking for Cas. Well, that’s my intention, but instead, I look around the streets at everyone going about preparing for the festival. I smile at the kids playing around and the families putting up decorations together.

Paper flowers in warm colors like orange and red adorn all the houses of the village. I think there are some decorated lanterns here and there, just waiting for night to fall. It feels like forever since I was able to take part in something like this.

I turn and find my reflection on the small glass window. The mask I’m wearing looks like an animal, maybe a fox or a wolf? Whatever it is, it’s white and green swirling marks adorn its face, like vines. Green? The mask does have a couple of orange dots here and there, but the green stands out the most. All the decorations use reds, yellows, and oranges, but it seems like the masks are made in varied colors. I wonder what this festival is about...

“Ouch,” I accidentally run into someone’s back while I was looking around. “Sorry!” I apologize before I look up. I start laughing as the person I run into turns around, “Cas! I was looking for you. Well, kind of...”

“Well I got us a room but it only has one bed.” He explains, looking off to the side as if uncomfortable.

“That’s fine, Cas! We can worry about that later.” I say, grabbing his hand and turning towards the sound of the music; the main plaza. “Let’s just enjoy ourselves, come on!”

I can’t say I remember the last time I had so much fun. It was probably when I was still a kid.

We look around everywhere, play games, eat sweets and listen to what felt like a hundred different songs. Maybe.

Cas wins himself a mask as well, playing a target game. I wanted to play, but Cas stopped me, he’s still worried about my arm. He puts on his mask and I joke about how our masks match. His is just like mine, but with blue instead of green and the holes for the eyes are larger, I can still see his eyes just fine.

As the sun begins to set, the villagers start setting up a bonfire in the middle of the plaza. For the spring festival, as I have now learned, it’s tradition to dance around the bonfire with the person most important to you. I stare at the preparations in awe.

Once the bonfire is ready the music starts playing and the villagers begin to dance. It’s a varied set of people, there are couples, of course, dancing closely to each other. However, there are also families, fathers dancing with their children, laughing as they twirl around; a young lad dances slowly with his elderly mother. Then there is a group of children dancing together, they hold each other's hands and jump around in a circle, delighted. It puts a smile on my face.

I look at Cas from the corner of my eye. He’s also looking at everyone dancing around the bonfire. There’s a slight smile on his face as the orange flames of the bonfire reflect on his white mask.

On impulse, I take his hand and pull him towards the bonfire. “Dance with me, Cas.”

“Ah—sure, Dean,” he ends up following me much like he’s been doing all day.

I put my left hand on his shoulder, getting it out of the way, knowing he wouldn’t want to put his hand on my injured shoulder. As he reminded me today, my left arm is still healing.

Following that he puts his free hand on my waist. Cas is a little stiff at first, but over time he loosens up. The strings pick up a faster rhythm and he spins me around gracefully.

“I had no idea you could dance,” I joke.

“We took classes together, Dean.” He reminds me with a smile, then makes a show of picking me up for a spin.

I chuckle, “I had just never had the pleasure of seeing you put those in practice.”

“Well,” he spins me once more, “it’s a pleasure, indeed.” He concludes with a smile.

“So you like dancing with me?” I ask him. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I follow my instinct.

He lifts me up again for the next spin. “I do.” His gravelly voice is smooth and to the point, relaxed.

I feel my heart skip a beat over my shock. It’s disarming. The answer to that, whatever it was, dies in my throat.

He doesn’t wait for me to answer him, not at all. “I think it’s fitting,” he says with a smile as he brings me down once more.

I look into his eyes and I suddenly remember our conversation, sitting by the campfire the other day. “Is it?” I ask. Isn’t there someone else you’d like to be here with? “Am I... someone important to you?” I can’t stop myself from asking, even though I'm afraid of the answer.

The music slowly stops, and with one last flourish so does our dance.

I let go of his shoulder and he lets go of my waist. He moves his hand down to hold mine, so now he's holding both of my hands. He smiles at me. “The most important one, Dean.”

We stay still for a moment, a kind of tension extending between us. It feels like being just on the edge of something, something important. I'm just not sure what. “I—”

Before I can figure out what exactly I want to say to Cas, he lets go of my hands and starts walking away. “We should go back soon, it’s getting late.”

I stare at his back for just a moment.

_Me too._

That’s what I had wanted to answer, now I can’t. As soon as I think of the words I realize the moment has passed and I can’t say them anymore...


	7. I Was Never Kind

I pet Babie’s cheek as I let her eat an apple from my hand. Cas and I bought them on our way to the stables. “Did you miss me, girl?”

She blinks at me slowly, like a silent acknowledgment.

The streets outside are empty as almost everyone else is still at the bonfire. The stables are pretty quiet, but she doesn’t seem to mind. “It’s okay,” I tell her, “we’ll be back on the road tomorrow.”

She ignores me. Maybe she’s getting too spoiled, spending so much time with me. I wonder if she’ll get angry once we make it back to the castle.

“Hey!” I pet her again, trying to get her attention back, “you know Cas will be with us too, right?”

She finally turns to me again and neighs happily. She nods her head towards the window behind me.

I turn around and see that Cas is sitting down on the grass outside. He's looking up at the night sky. I guess he doesn’t pamper Alfie as much as I do Babie. It’s probably a smart choice.

I pat Babie’s cheek absentmindedly and give her one more apple, then decide to head outside. I walk towards the back and sit down next to Cas to join him in looking up at the sky as well. The stars shine brightly up there, the sky is clear tonight.

I had so much fun today, I could run around like I was normal again. I didn’t have to worry about someone wanting to jump on me, or give me stuff, or follow me. There was none of that.

Besides that, being able to spend time like this with Cas makes me so happy. It’s like we never grew apart, just like things were before. I wish the day would never end, so we could stay like this.

After a moment of comfortable silence, I turn to look at him. “What are you thinking about, Cas?”

“You,” he answers instantly, however, the tips of his ears turn red and he turns to look at me, panicked. “I mean—Well there’s the journey and—”

“Cas!” I interrupt him.

His shoulders relax and he sighs, “yes?”

“Me too.” Well, not really, I wasn't thinking about me! I start to panic, “I mean—I was thinking about you, too.” I bite my lip, slowing down my racing thoughts.

He smiles at me. I look at him and feel the urge to hug him. I care about Cas, I already knew that but...

I feel different.

Cas stands up slowly and turns to look towards the main street. “We should really go back now. Everyone is heading back inside.”

I stand up and look towards the streets. Sure enough, the previously empty streets are now filled with people heading back to their homes. “The festival is over,” I whisper.

“It is, Dean,” Cas whispers back, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

We walk back towards the inn at a slow pace. A part of me starts dreading going back inside. I dread the day ending, and taking off my mask. I dread having to wait outside for Cas to change, but I’ll do it. If that’s what Cas needs, I’ll do it. Even if I don’t like it, even if it reminds me of our distance...

We go into our room at the inn. As Cas said earlier, there is just one bed. The bed is more than big enough for two people, but it’s still just one. I try not to think about it too much. As kids, we used to sleep together sometimes, when I had nightmares or when I wanted to play for longer than I should. This shouldn’t be much different.

I light up the oil lamp on the nightstand and then take a moment to remove my quiver, bow, and my riding gloves. Just so I can be a bit more comfortable. I stretch my muscles, feeling the first hints of sleepiness sinking into my bones. I look at Cas standing by the window with his back to me and decide it’s time I give him his space. “Well, I’ll wait outside,” I tell him, heading for the door.

“Stay.”

“What?” I turn around to look at him, perplexed.

“Stay, Dean,” he repeats, his grave voice echoes in the almost empty room. He turns just slightly, looking at me over his shoulder. “You can stay.” He takes off his cloak then, letting it fall to the floor.

I stare at him unabashedly. I had caught glances of his armor during our trip, but I hadn’t had the chance to look at it like this in years. Cas’ armor reflects the yellow light from the oil lamp in its beautiful silver surface. It’s shiny and in perfect shape, practically new. Despite him getting soaked in water a few days ago the armor is in perfect condition, not a single stain of oxide in sight.

I take a deep breath and step towards him, he doesn’t move, not even one inch. Not until I’m standing in front of him, tracing the emblem of our kingdom on his breastplate. Once I’m there he moves, taking my hands in his, like he did after our dance.

“Will you help me?” He asks softly. His voice is barely above a whisper, hoarse.

I look at him and give him a slight nod. I move my hand to untie the buckles holding the armor in place, starting with the ones that cover his arms. Then the breastplate, and finally his legs. Carefully we untie them, piece by piece, and lay them out on the floor, resting against the wall.

We work in silence until all Cas is left with is his linen under armor. I then take off his mask and put it next to the rest of his armor. He could sleep like this.

He closes his eyes and grabs the hem of his shirt, ready to pull it off.

“Cas.” I stop him, placing my hand over his. You don’t have to, I want to say. I don’t need to see them. His eyes stop me, he wants to show them to me and I don’t know how to tell him otherwise. I end up letting go of his hand.

He takes off his shirt like he originally intended. I feel like it happens in slow motion, as his shirt crawls up his abdomen and then his chest it reveals all of his burn scars.

Once it’s off he simply lets it fall to the floor. His eyes remain firmly closed, and his eyebrows are slightly furrowed as if he's lost in concentration.

Almost his entire torso is covered in scars. The biggest one comes all the way down from his left shoulder to the center of his chest and then running down his forearm.

My eyes sting and my hand shakes. I place it on his chest, right over his scar, and feel his heartbeat underneath. “Cas...” my voice breaks around his name.

He opens his eyes and looks at me. He smiles a little, just a small hint pulling at the corner of his lips. He takes off my mask and just lets it fall to the floor next to his top. He cups my cheeks with his hands, caressing my skin with his thumb.

I run my hand down his chest, to his abdomen, tracing over the rest of the scars with the tips of my fingers.

I feel my eyes water and my throat burns slightly.

His smile, faint as it was, completely fades. His eyes fill with worry, instead.

“Why did you hide them from me?” My throat burns more when I speak, making my voice raspy. I look down at the floor, trying to contain myself.

“I didn’t want you to feel guilty.” He moves his hand, placing it under my chin. He tilts my head back up so I can look at him.

I remember so well, how he went in to try and save my mother in my place. He could have tried to save Kelly or Jack instead, but he tried to save my mom so I would stay still and not get hurt myself.

I understand it. I look at him and I understand it. It’s a form of kindness, wanting to take away my pain and make it his own to shoulder it alone. Just like I wish I could take away his scars and make them my own.

I move my hands up to his shoulders. I grab them firmly, supporting myself with them. I turn my face down and grit my teeth trying to fight away the tears threatening to run down my face.

“Dean...” he says my name so softly, undeniably filled with affection and concern.

It calms me down and I relax my grip on his shoulders in response. I move my right hand up to hold his cheek, turn my head back up and look him straight in the eyes. “Don’t–Don’t hide yourself from me anymore, Cas. I can’t stand it.”

Cas’ eyes shine, they are just a little watery as well. He nods his head, it’s a small movement, barely noticeable.

“Promise me, Cas.” I plead in a whisper, my voice cracking around the words. “Please, you have to promise...” My voice fades, dying on my lips.

He stares at me, lips parted in surprise. He furrows his brows slightly, worry filling his features. “Dean, I...” I wait for him to finish, but he doesn’t.

My heart beats anxiously in my chest. I sigh and pull him in close to rest my forehead against his, closing my eyes. “Promise me, I need you to promise me.”

There is a silent pause, filled with nothing but our breaths and the beating of our hearts. I feel his breath against my lips, they tremble from the sensation. While the tension makes me feel more and more anxious.

I bite my lower lip, stopping myself from speaking again. I’ll give him time. I would wait forever for him to answer. I _need_ him to answer.

“I promise.” He finally responds, his grave voice low and wavering.

I open my eyes to look into his. My heart is hammering against my chest.

He places his hand over the one I still have on his cheek. “I promise,” he repeats, firmer this time. He squeezes my hand and stares deep into my eyes. “Dean, I promise,” he repeats one last time, and his voice is solid like a rock. There is not a trace of doubt in it.

I shudder. The breath I had been anxiously holding up to that point escapes my lips.

He smiles and lets go of my hand, but instead of moving away he gives me a soft kiss on the cheek.

My heart jumps up in my chest. I’m glad, I’m so glad. I take his hand and place it over my chest so he can feel my heart beating, just like I felt his moments ago.

He looks down at his hand now resting on my chest. He exhales a shaky breath and stays still, like he's afraid of doing something wrong.

I move my hand to his chest as well, mirroring him. I feel his heart hammering against his chest, somehow synching up to mine. “Cas...”

That seems to break him from his stillness and he pulls me into a hug. He buries his face in the crook of my shoulder and sighs. His breath tickles my skin, but in a different way, a way that doesn’t make me laugh. No, it tickles me in a way that makes me want to pull him even closer, to have him touch me.

He roams his hand over my back, grabbing at my shirt and feeling up my muscles. I put my hands on his hair and he kisses my neck.

“Caa-as,” my voice trembles and I back up to the edge of the bed. It’s a little too much, but I want more.

Cas keeps planting kisses down my neck, then my collarbone and then he meets up with the hem of my shirt. He pulls at it, it’s in the way.

I put my hands up without hesitation and let him take my shirt off. He goes back to kissing my collarbone and sighs against my chest. He trails down further kissing my shoulders, my pecs, and then landing on one of my nipples. He takes it into his mouth and nibbles on it, dragging his teeth along the sensitive skin. Then he sucks on it gently.

I gasp in surprise. I had no idea that could feel so good. My knees tremble and I try to hang onto Cas’ shoulders to keep my balance. However, he sucks on it again and I end slowly falling down, sitting on the bed. Cas comes down with me, landing on his knees. I squeeze his shoulder, and my other hand moves up to his hair, tangling my fingers on it.

He stops then, his breath hitching as he pulls away slowly. He glances up at me, his breath is ragged. His eyes are hungry, pupils blown with desire and want.

“ _Oh._ ” I know what this is. I’ve never done it, it never felt okay. It never felt real, but this is not the first time someone has looked at me like that.

A flash of realization comes through his eyes and he looks away, placing his forehead on my shoulder. “Is it okay?” He whispers against my skin.

I trace my fingers through his dark black hair, taking in his question. This is different, Cas hasn’t been affected by my charm in years and now is not an exception. But more than that, it feels special; profound.

He stays still in my arms, as if lost in the sensation of my fingers running through his hair. His hands move down to hold me around my waist.

I plant a kiss on top of his head. “Do it,” I whisper. Just do whatever you want. “Show me.” _Show me everything, Cas._ I want to see more... more of him.

It’s like I just lit up a fire. Cas’ previously paused and controlled movements become more firm and demanding. He kisses all the way down to my navel, his hands roam all over my body. I feel myself getting harder from all the attention. He gets to the hem of my pants and pulls them down without pausing for even a moment. The cold air of the night hits my hardened cock and I have to fight the need to cover myself. It’s Cas, I repeat in my head like a litany.

My heartbeat picks up once more.

He kisses my inner thigh and runs his hand down my navel teasingly. I play with his hair and then he holds me down by the hips. He looks up at me through his lashes and licks the length of my penis slowly and seductively; from the base all the way to the tip.

A moan escapes my lips. “Cas,” I whisper his name. My hands grip his hair, I try to keep myself together.

He kisses the tip of my erection, then slips it into the wet heat of his mouth. His eyes stare at me, filled with hunger, and my chest tightens with want. He sucks and I can’t help but moan at the new sensation. His eyes glint with an edge of playfulness I rarely ever get to see and he does it again, pulling another moan from my lips.

My fingers curl around his hair, tugging at it, like a soft echo of my pleasure.

Cas groans and the vibrating sensation of the sound around my erection makes me gasp in surprise. It doesn’t make him stop, he keeps sucking until I feel pre-cum starting to leak onto his mouth. Only then he takes it out, slowly licking away the pre-cum from the tip before putting it in once more. His hands move up my tights and roam around my torso, caressing my skin with his strong hands.

My breath hitches and I shiver from the pleasure. I feel like I’m melting under his touch. My dick twitches inside his mouth and a gush of pre-cum leaks out onto his tongue. “Ca-as.” I moan out his name, I can barely hold myself back.

He closes his eyes and groans around my dick once more.

I let out a shaky breath in response.

He takes my erection out of his mouth slowly, giving it one last lick before he takes his hands off me entirely. Instantly, I feel the need to pull them back onto my body. I just stare at him, however, as he gets rid of his pants.

I sigh, the small break in the action making me suddenly anxious. I let myself fall only the bed, trying to calm my jagged and agitated panting. I was close, I tremble, ah—I was so close.

Cas gets up from the floor and walks to his med supply bag.

I stare at him from the bed, I can’t take my eyes off him. He’s strong, yet flexible. He’s firm and harsh, yet so soft and kind. Scars and all, I’ve never seen someone so beautiful. My skin aches for his touch, I want him.

No, I _need_ him.

He takes out a small jar from his med bag and then, finally, climbs back onto the bed. He looms over me, his hands on either side of my face. I stare at him, I wish he’d kiss me. I wish he’d prove to me that the faint glimmer of hope I feel in the back of mind is correct. He comes in closer and for a moment I think he will, but he doesn’t. Instead, he rubs our noses together, affectionately.

I chuckle, it’s such an innocent action. I bring my left hand up to his cheek. “Keep going, Cas,” I whisper.

He nods slowly, then turns his head and places a delicate kiss in the palm of my hand. He moves down, kissing my arm, and then he kisses the bandages, right above where the wound from the fight by the lake is. He keeps going, moving to my shoulder and bites it softly. It’s like he's teasing me. He pulls away and uncaps the jar he brought from his med bag. He takes some of its contents, coating his fingers with it. He reaches over to place the jar on the nightstand then turns his attention back to me.

He stays there, staring down at me, kneeling on the bed. His lips are parted and his hair is a mess. I see the doubt crawling across his eyes, he's having second thoughts.

The realization of that shocks through my body. I could stop this. I could stop this right now and he would not question it. The idea leaves an empty feeling at the pit of my stomach.

I sit up on the bed, raising up to his level, to be closer to him. I put my arm around his neck, pulling him to me. My other hand roams down his side looking for his hand. I take it and put it on my body, where it belongs. “Don’t hold yourself back, Cas. Not with me.” I say into his ear, hoping that’s the only thing stopping him.

It works and in seconds he's back with me, back in this moment. He moves his hand down, grabbing my thighs and pulling them apart. His other hand wanders from the small of my back down to my hole and he circles his fingers around it deliberately. I moan into his ear in response.

Slowly he introduces one of his fingers, the ointment making the task much easier. He works me open with soft motions, adding more fingers over time. I can’t help but grind against him, rubbing our cocks together as I squirm in pleasure.

After I’m used to the sensation he takes away his fingers. I sigh, missing them already.

He grabs my thighs and lifts me up, repositioning himself so I can sit on his thighs and his erection rests against my entrance. He lowers me slowly and I feel him stretching me open.

I moan loudly, throwing my head back and arching my back. I squeeze down on his shoulder, unable to completely control myself.

“Dean,” he moans out my name. It makes me tighten around him, making him moan again.

We start moving slowly. Our current position makes the penetration deep, but it also makes it harder for Cas to move and I'm so far gone the only thing keeping me upright are his arms. However, we manage to move together, I use his shoulders for support and he holds me up.

“Ah...” The stretch itself feels so good, but then he hits a particular spot with one of his thrusts and I gasp in surprise. “Cas! That’s—” A shudder runs up my spine and I clutch his shoulders, clamping up around him.

He groans, “Dean.”

I put our foreheads together and look deep into his eyes. Our breaths mix in together between us. I can see the burning desire in his eyes. It’s not enough. “Show me more,” I ask him, my voice is hoarse and my throat is raspy. I sink down onto him, taking his erection as deep as it can go.

He tightens his arms around me, “no holding back,” he murmurs.

I take in a deep breath, taking in his scent, “please.”

He uses his weight to make me lay back down on the bed and in one swift motion he pulls up my legs around his hips. Without my weight over him, he easily begins to pick up the pace.

I feel myself coming undone at the seams, sweat running down my chest. Moan after moan, I call out his name. It’s like every time I say his name he goes harder, faster, deeper, but I can’t stop. I keep saying his name until I can’t anymore...

I keep my eyes on him, no matter how incoherent my words become, I keep my eyes on him. “Ca-aa-as. Ah!” I can’t stand it, he's too far away, it’s not enough. I reach my hand out to him, trying to place it on his chest, but I don’t have the strength to reach him. “Closee—” Closer, please come closer.

He takes my hand, intertwining our fingers. The switch makes him lose his balance and he falls forward with the motion of his hips. He supports himself with his other hand and somehow manages to keep up the pace, panting.

The slight change in angle sends a jolt through my body as he hits that particular spot once again. And again, and again, and again. I–I can’t—

“Ahh! Cas! Ca–as, I’m–I’m—” I can’t even articulate anymore, my mouth is open but no sound comes out. I arch my back and dig my short nails into Cas’ skin. Every single one of my muscles contracts from the feeling of my climax running through my body.

Cas groans, tipping over the edge as well. His dick quivers inside of me and I feel his cum fill me up.

He squeezes my hand, letting his body fall from how tired he is. He hovers right above me, so close to my face he could kiss me, but he doesn’t.

We both pant, recovering from our climaxes in relative silence.

Once he catches his breath enough he moves away and lays down by my side, still holding my hand.

We stay there for a moment in silence. My train of thought starts coming back to me slowly... he kissed me all over. I don’t think he missed a single chance to put his lips on my skin. He never really kissed _me_ however, he never kissed me on the lips. Somehow the realization bothers me, it crawls under my skin and curls around my heart, constricting it. I just wish he had kissed me. I just wish it was him.

I turn to look at him, wondering if I can get an explanation that doesn’t terrify me. “Cas?”

He was already looking at me, his expression relaxed, but when he hears the way I say his name he becomes nervous. “Ye-yes?” His voice barely comes out, broken and cracked.

I–I can’t ask him. I close my eyes and shake my head. I know why already, deep down I know why already. I can’t bear the thought of causing him pain by asking him, so I don’t.

I open my eyes and smile at him. “Sleep well,” I whisper, leaning forward to place a simple kiss on his cheek. Maybe some other time.


	8. I am Not a Dreamer

“Caaastiel” An unfamiliar female voice calls my name, the tone is sweet but rotten. It’s a wicked tone that crawls under my skin and makes me nauseous.

I’m laying down on the floor, my eyes are closed but I sense movement. A set of long, thin fingers run over my hair. I swallow, uncomfortable, those do not belong to anyone I know.

“Castiel, I know you are awake.” The voice conveys in a warning tone. It does a poor job of making me want to do what she says. “Open your eyes.”

I try to stay as still as I possibly can. If I have any say in this situation I’d rather not listen to anything that comes out of her mouth.

“I said,” her voice is much firmer this time around, “open your eyes.”

My eyes open instantly, I was entirely against it, but it seems I have no choice. I look up at the woman toying with my hair. She has sharp features, prominent cheekbones, and long brown hair falling down in waves around her shoulders.

“Much better.” A faint smile curls in her features. She caresses my cheek with mock affection. “You should listen to me from now on.”

An uncomfortable feeling sits in the pit of my stomach. She is familiar, but in a way that suffocates me with dread. I’ve felt this way before, a long time ago.

“Amara...” I choke out once the realization hits me.

“Awww” She exaggerates the expression, tilting her head to the side, a mask of deceitful affection in her features. “You do care. How else could you remember? You were only three years old.”

I clench my jaw, there is no way I could forget. “Let go of me,” I demand.

“Now, why would I do that? Don’t you enjoy my company?” Her eyes twinkle with an uncanny shine, it’s menacing. This woman is dangerous and she doesn’t like me, regardless of what she may try to portray.

I turn my eyes to look up at the ceiling and I am able to recognize that it, and the hard floor I’m laying on, belong to one of the many halls of the castle. I sigh. Unable to know much more from my position I find myself glaring at her intently, for lack of a better response.

“Oh, I see. Mmm” She pretends to be lost in thought with her hand gracing her chin. “Maybe you’d like me more if my eyes were green...” Just with those words, her eyes shift, turning into a vivid apple green. Like Dean’s. Just like Dean’s.

A knot forms in my throat and I end up averting my eyes, it’s unsettling. They are far too similar, she is clearly trying to play tricks on me.

“Now, now,” she grabs my chin and forcefully makes me look at her once more. “You have to look at them, they are just for you, after all. Am I right?” Her words have a double meaning that I do not miss. Are Dean’s eyes just for me?

A shiver runs down my spine. I want to fight her so badly, to look away, to push her and run. But I am stuck in place, unable to move a single muscle. I grit my teeth.

 _“Contain yourself, Castiel.”_ My father’s voice sounds on the back of my mind. _“A Knight waits for the adequate moment to strike. Until then, you wait.”_

She finally lets go of my face forcefully, every move she makes is filled with disdain. “Right, that can’t be the case because you know your place.” Her words are full of mockery and disgust.

Before I have time to react, to wonder what she means, the world shifts beneath me. Ominous clouds of black smoke surround me, and new furniture appears where before there was none. The whole scene changes as if the earth was shaking off an old outfit.

At the same time, I feel that her hold on me has let up and I instantly roll away from her. I stick my back to the furthest wall I can get to. Only then do I look around my new environment.

I recognize it instantly. The desk filled with jars, herbs and ointments, bandages and gauze. The bookshelves stacked to the brim with botanical and medical books. This is my study, before it was mine.

The confirmation of that resides on the scene unfolding in front of me. Off to the side of the room, a younger me sits on a stool bandaging his own wounds with trembling hands. My own chest stings from the memory and I unconsciously place a hand over it when he gasps in pain. He has to take care of those himself because...

I swallow dry and shake my head, “no, I don’t need to see this.”

Amara, who came to stand beside me without me noticing, places a hand on my shoulder. She keeps me in place. “Are you sure? Because I think you forgot some things from this day.”

I could never forget.

There is a knock on the door, it’s heavy. Heavy like the air around me. Heavy, dense, and oppressive.

“Come in,” says my younger self, his voice trembling from the pain as he pulls a shirt over his bandaged torso. There is a lot of pain on his shoulders right now, both the physical one and the emotional one, I know it’s a heavy weight. My own hand shakes at my side as he turns around slowly and the door opens.

He was expecting Dean, maybe Sam.

So he stares in shock as John Winchester, the King, steps into the room. His shoulders are stiff, as if set with stone, his steps are heavy, like his knock.

The other Castiel, the younger me, looks down at the floor. “I’m so sorry for your loss, My Lord.”

“As I am for yours, Castiel.” John’s voice is grave and solemn, respectful. Right, Mary _and_ Kelly had just died.

The weight of the conversation shows in my younger self's shoulders. “Thank you, My Lord.”

“Call me John. I’m here to speak to you as a father, not as your king.” John pulls a chair and sits in front of Castiel.

He stares at the king with wide eyes. I remember the shock and confusion. His wife just passed away, but he had come to me to talk about his sons? Then again, Mary was Dean and Sam’s mother as well. So he tries to relax, and thank the heavens that he had already finished bandaging his wounds. I remember all that.

“You did a great thing for me today, boy.” John’s voice is still heavy and grave. Now I can tell from his almost blank expression that he probably had thought for a long time about what he was going to say to me that night. “You ran into a burning building to try and save my wife, the love of my life.” John’s voice breaks at that.

I see my younger self burning with guilt, jumping to apologize, “I’m so sorry sir, if only I—”

“You don’t have to apologize, Castiel.” John’s voice is firmer, stern.

The other Castiel gives him a soft nod.

My breath picks up. I know what John’s going to say next and I preemptively tense up. I ball my hands into fists. “Why are you showing me this, I know what he is going to say,” I tell Amara during that short silence, hoping there was a way to get away from having to hear this conversation again.

Amara crosses her arms, not afraid to show her annoyance. “Like I said, Cas—” She doesn’t even turn to look at me, yet she uses the nickname Dean gave me as if it was hers to use, “—I don’t think you really do remember. Otherwise, why would you have done such a thing last night?” She barely glances at me from the corner of her eye, she is more venomous than sweet now.

I feel any courage I had inside of me wither and die. Last night I—

"Listen, kid. You risked your life, and you risked your dream. And yet I am not here to thank you, I am here to ask more of you.” John says with a grave tone.

“Sir?” is all my younger self manages to answer.

“I’ll get to the point, you have feelings for my son.” He states gravelly, crossing his arms.

The other Castiel starts to panic as a pink shade fills his cheeks. “No! It’s really not—”

“I know you do, so just be honest.” John interrupts.

Castiel looks down, I look down. “Yes,” we say in unison.

“Castiel, Mary was the woman I was always meant to be with,” he begins to explain. “I knew it from the moment we met, but someone didn’t agree, Amara.”

“Someone didn’t agree, what a dick.” Amara scoffs beside me.

The memory of John continues, unperturbed. “Amara had feelings for me and insisted on stepping in between us, but princes don’t marry witches.”

Castiel doesn’t look up, he remains silent. I remember I was embarrassed but more than that I was worried about where the conversation was going.

Eventually, John continues, “Amara tried so hard to keep me away from Mary and eventually those feelings led her to curse Dean, our son.” John runs a hand through his hair, “Mary and I managed, but Dean’s case is special he has to find his true love, someone on his level because princes don’t marry knights.”

My younger self finally looks back up, startled. “A–a knight, sir?” The one thing I always dreamed of, and the one thing I could probably never become after that day. No one wants an injured knight.

“Yes.” John gives a stern nod. “As your king, I shall honor your sacrifices, but as a father...” He trails off, his demeanor softening as his shoulders slump. “Castiel, as a father I have to ask you to stay away from Dean.” His eyes become watery and his voice wavers. “I just lost Mary, I don’t want to lose Dean as well. Don’t get in the way of him finding his true love.”

Younger Castiel looks down and my own eyes fill with tears. I was so heartbroken at that moment, my heart trembling with the weight of my emotions.

“Can you do that?” John asks, wanting to be reassured that his request would be granted. I don’t blame him.

Even as my younger self takes a shaky breath he had doubts. “Yes,” he finally responds. “Yes, I’ll... I’ll always do what’s best for Dean.”

“Thank you,” John answers him with a nod. The stubborn man humble rather than proud. “Thank you, Sir Novak.”

“Do what’s best for him,” Amara starts laughing, “really? Is that what you were doing last night? What a nice joke.” She mocks me as the scene fades away into darkness. “I had no idea the prince was in such dire _need_. Prince Dean must be very horny then!”

I try to ignore her. “Shut up,” I whisper as a tear runs down my cheek.

“Aww, am I hurting your feelings?” Pretending to care, Amara squeezes my shoulder and tilts her head to the side. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have gotten in the way of him finding his true love, am I right?”

No, I didn’t do that. I had no intention to do that. I start caving in onto myself, trying to shut her out, to keep her away from me, but no matter what I can still hear her.

She continues to berate me. “Just imagine the face of horror she would make when she finds out he did that with you!”

“NO!” I scream at the top of my lungs and suddenly wake up in the room at the inn, covered in sweat. The sun shines in through the window, it’s somehow already past noon. I pant heavily and turn around frantically, trying to find Amara, but she’s of course not here. Instead, I find a half-asleep and confused prince laying beside me in bed. Naked.

His hand rests on my chest and I have to fight the urge to pull away as if it was on fire. He blinks at me, his eyelids heavy with sleep. “Cas,” he says my name mid-yawn, “are you okay?”

“Ye-yeah.” I choke out, “don’t worry, go back to sleep.”

That was not very convincing but he turns around and does as I say. I notice the faint mark of my teeth is outlined over his freckled shoulder. I tried not to mark him and yet there it is, a reminder of last night. I cover my eyes, I shouldn’t even be allowed to look at him.

I stay there still for a while and then sigh with relief once he finally falls back asleep. I leave the bed as slowly as I possibly can, the memories from last night flooding into my mind.

What have I done? How could I be so stupid?

I start getting ready as fast as I can without waking Dean up again, I need to go clear my head.

I head outside in a hurry, the village is bursting with life once again. Not everyone is as lively as yesterday, but there are enough people to give Dean trouble, maybe we can wait until evening...

I look up at the sky, well it’s way past noon anyway. We shouldn’t have to wait too long. I talk with the innkeeper to tell her when we’ll be leaving and pay her for her troubles. She assures me it was no problem and is happy to have assisted us in our journey.

I then go to the stables to feed Babie and Alfie, who must be starving. I feed Babie first, she scoffs at me at first but she lets it go soon enough once she sees I brought her apples. She is fond of me, not as much as she’s fond of Dean, but she accepts my food enthusiastically.

I then go over to Alfie, petting him on the back of his neck. “I think I ruined everything, boy,” I tell him. It’s not like he can answer me, but Dean always talks to Babie, so maybe I can talk to Alfie.

He cocks his head to the side slightly, blinking slowly. He seems confused.

I should find him funny, but my stomach is so wretched from everything going on that I can’t. I give him an apple so that I have some time to think without his eyes on me.

“I did something I shouldn’t have done,” I try to explain, “I–I just couldn’t help myself, Alfie. Dean is just...” Who am I kidding? I can’t even find a proper excuse to give to a horse.

I drop my head, looking down at the floor. I feel sick to my stomach, how am I even going to talk to Dean when I go back? A shaky breath escapes my lips. I wish I could stay here, hide from him and just let myself fall apart.

Alfie whines in a distressed tone. He steps closer to me and rests his forehead against my shoulder, he pushes my chin with his nose softly as if trying to get me to look up. Great! I am being consoled by my horse.

I sigh and pet his cheek, then give him another apple. “I’ll be okay, eventually. I just have to fix it before we get to...” where we are going. The place where his true love will be waiting for him. “If only I knew how.”

Finally, I take my medicine supplies bag and tie it to Alfie’s saddle. I haven’t told Dean that we should be leaving soon, but the sun is starting to set and it is better to start heading out now so we can find a place to set up a campfire. The streets are less busy already.

I take Alfie and Babie back to the front of the Inn with me and leave them tied to a post while I go get Dean.

When I come back inside Dean is thankfully dressed, sitting on the mattress, seemingly ready to go.

“Hey, Cas!” He gives me a winning smile with shining green eyes.

I sigh, a mixture of relief and affection. My feelings tighten around my chest in conflict with my mind, I want to hold him once more. I know that I can’t.

Looking into his eyes hasn’t had an effect on me in so long... At some point, they stopped making me want to do stuff for him or follow his lead, but on the other hand, those emotions just got stronger with time. But they were born from something different entirely.

The conflict inside of me settles enough for me to speak. I clear my throat. “We should get going, we spent too much time sleeping.”

Dean’s cheeks take on a pinkish color, it makes his freckles stand out even more. “Yeah... I was a bit surprised when I woke up.” I do my best to try and ignore any possible implications in his actions.

“I went outside to make sure everything was set up for our departure,” I inform him.

He looks down at his lap, then suddenly frowns and looks back up. “Is everything okay, Cas?” His voice is weak and worried.

It feels as if I just got stabbed in the chest. “Everything is fine, I just... didn’t want to delay.” I try to reassure him. “Alfie and Babie are outside,” I conclude and head for the door.

He follows me in silence until we are outside. He keeps his eyes downcast, toying with his coin. “We are ready to go then?”

“Yes, it’s too risky to stay at the village another night,” I explain, and it’s not entirely an excuse. Today was okay because he was asleep for most of the day but we can’t risk it again.

He gives me a slight nod and I hand him over Babie’s reigns. Looking down at his coin he turns Babie in the correct direction, seems like we are heading West.

Dean mounts Babie a little less skillfully than usual and ends up wincing as he does so.

I instinctively step closer to him. “Are you okay?”

He turns to me, a nervous look on his face. He bites his lower lip and his cheeks turn pink. “Don’t worry. It’s just... last night.”

My heart almost jumps out of my chest. Me. I did that to him. That yelp was because of me.

I clutch Alfie’s reigns and grit my teeth. “My apologies, your majesty.”

Dean furrows his brows, his expression going from adorable embarrassment to confused annoyance. “Cas, you don't have to—”

“We should leave before it gets too dark, your majesty.” I interrupt him. I can’t bear to hear him tell me not to call him that, I’m not sure I could deny him.

I shouldn’t be allowed to say his name. Instead, I should be apologizing, I should be begging for forgiveness on my knees. But I can’t, so I move forward.

Dean follows me, clearly annoyed. However, he does not touch the subject further. So, despite his scowling, I call it a small win.

We leave the village without any trouble and after a couple of hours, I suggest we rest for the night.

However, Dean refuses, shaking his head. “I think we are close...” His voice has a soft edge to it, something I can’t quite place, but I try not to.

“If we are close then we should probably pick up the pace, your majesty,” I advise, against my own heart telling me not to say that.

Dean suddenly stops and turns to look at me. “Why, Cas?”

“Well it’s already late and—”

“No, why are you pulling away from me?” His eyes dig into me like daggers. “Since you woke up you’ve been...” he bites back the rest of his words.

“Your majesty, I don’t...” my excuse dies on my throat as his face contorts into an angry scowl. I turn my head down, “I apologize, it’s just... the proper thing to do.”

He doesn’t answer and I don’t look up. We stay like that until he sighs. When I look up he has already turned away from me and keeps heading deeper into the forest.

Soon after that, we find the path, the shimmery effect of the moonlight sparkling on a road made of light. It’s like when he visited Rowena. We follow the path in silence and after a couple of turns a building comes into view. It looks like a temple, build out of rocks and covered in vines. The architecture lets me know it's far more ancient than the castle.

A small waterfall runs from the edges of the temple, like an elaborate fountain. I have no idea how that’s even possible but it’s beautiful, the shimmering light of the moon reflects on every surface.

My stomach flips over itself, unsettled. This happened way sooner than I had hoped. No, in honesty any other day would still have felt too soon.

Dean dismounts Babie and silently walks up to the steps of the temple.

I get down to follow him, but freeze at the base of the steps, looking at Dean’s back getting further and further away from me. My entire resolve wants to crumble. I can’t follow him, I can’t go in there. I can’t crumble.

To my despair Dean stops at the top of the stairs, turning to look at me. “Cas?” The way he says my name makes my heart jump. No, no, no. Why? Why am I here?

“Come on,” his voice is soft and tender, “you can’t let me go in alone.” I thought he would still be mad at me, but he doesn’t seem to be. What’s more, he is right, I can’t let him go alone.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Taking one step up. I sigh and continue moving up until I reach him, step after step my armor clinks from the movement.

Inside, the temple is much more simple. A single room with windows on each side, large and almost entirely empty. The walls seem to be covered with illustrations and runes. I recognize one of the drawings on the wall as Rowena.

The room is empty, except for a single chalice sitting on an ornate pedestal in the middle of the room. The only light illuminating the space is the moonlight coming from the windows.

Dean stands over it and looks inside, tracing the ornaments of the pedestal with his fingers. “Cas...” he whispers my name and then turns to look at me.

It takes my breath away.

My stomach churns, I like this less by the second. “What is it?” I ask him, walking to stand next to him.

“It,” he clears his throat, “It’s an answer to what Rowena told us before.” He explains, turning his attention to the chalice again.

I peer inside and see the shifting text somehow reflecting in the water. I read along with him as he recites it out loud. “The burdens of love are not so, for what is given freely shall never be burdensome.” That’s all the text reads, but he continues talking. “Blindness, selflessness, and kindness. None of those are burdens!” He proclaims excitedly.

I frown. “I do not understand.” I shake my head. “How is that going to help you know who your true love is?”

He chuckles and smiles down at the chalice. “Well, I know,” he turns to look up at me, “it’s you!”

“What?!” I take a step back. No, that doesn’t make any sense.

“They are not burdens because blindness is trust, selflessness is care, and kindness is sympathy. Things that are given freely.” He’s so sure of what he is saying, but I feel like he speaks in another language. “I already knew those things, I learned them with you.”

I shake my head. “No, you’re supposed to find your true love here, this place is empty. Clearly—”

“You are here!” He exclaims, gesturing with his hand at the empty room.

“Yes, but I came with you!” I protest, pointing at the door.

He crosses his arms, a deep frown setting on his face. “Why does that even matter? It’s you.” He pauses and lets out a heavy sigh, “I know it’s you.”

I start to panic, my heart hammering in my chest. This isn’t right, “you are just confused. It can’t be me. We should just go back, maybe Rowena has an explanation.” I turn around, heading for the door.

He scoffs, “don’t you get it?” He grabs my hand, stopping me from leaving. “All the things you said when you described being in love? The things Rowena said when she sent us off in this journey.” He pulls at my hand, forcing me to look at him. “I feel them when I’m with you!” His eyes look so sincere, so sure.

“No, Dean.” It just can’t be. My voice almost breaks as I continue, “that’s not how it works.”

He frowns, shaken. “Why are you saying that?” His voice falls down, soft and vulnerable.

I turn away from him, knowing I couldn’t say this to his face. “Because I could never marry you.” I do my best to keep it together, keep my voice firm and stern.

“Oh, I see.” Dean’s tone hardens, it’s low and broken, but still harsh.

I turn to look at him, afraid of what I could find behind those words.

Dean is tense, his hands balled into fists, his brows furrowed. He bites his lips and starts nodding. “Yeah, I see. So I guess last night meant nothing to you.”

My heart sinks, I feel like the air was knocked out of my lungs. That’s not what I meant. “No, Dean, listen to me!”

“No, you listen to me. _Urgh_ ,” he runs his hands through his hair. “It makes perfect sense now. That’s why you wouldn’t even kiss me.” He accuses.

I–I don’t know what to do. “Dean, that’s not—” How do I explain that I love him, but I can’t be with him? “I just...”

“You promised not to hide yourself from me, and I trusted you!” He continues, his voice is rough and broken but he doesn’t stop. “I gave myself to you. Maybe...” His eyes start to water and he looks away from me. “Maybe I wasn’t sure at the time, but isn’t it obvious? I would never do that with anyone else.”

Neither would I. “Dean, that’s not... You don’t understand.” I wish you did, I wish I could tell you how I really feel.

“No. I’ve never seen things more clearly. How could I be so stupid?” He shakes his head. “Was it fun? Hey, I’ll just screw my best friend, he’ll be forced to fall in love with some random stranger anyways. Whoohoo!”

“Dean, I would never use you like that.” My voice breaks. This is what he thinks of me now? I take a deep breath and do my best to endure it.

“No? Then what was it?” He throws his hands up in the air in frustration. “Just letting off steam? The heat of the moment? What’s your damn excuse? Because,” he places a hand on his chest, “I love you.” His voice wavers and a tear runs down his cheek. “I thought it meant something.”

“It–it was just a mistake,” my voice trembles, low and hoarse. I wish I could comfort him. I just can’t let him risk his life like this, his true love has to be out there somewhere, because it can’t be me. I can’t get in the way, I’ve done enough damage already. “You have to marry a princess, that’s what—”

“I don’t want some stupid princess!” He interrupts me, walking up to me and grabbing me by the collar of my cloak. “I want you, damn it!” He shakes me as if that will somehow change something.

I stare at him in silence, his green eyes are red and wet with tears. He lets go of me slowly. “I just want you...” He whispers, lowering his head.

“Dean...” I reach out to him, wanting to comfort him, to wipe his tears away. To at least be there for him, because it’s all I can do.

“No! Don’t touch me.” He slaps my hand away and steps back, tears rolling down his cheek. “If you can’t kiss me don’t you ever lay your hands on me again.”

I pull away as well, giving him space. I take in a shaky breath and bite my lips, trying to keep my own tears from spilling. So it’s come to this...

“You’ll understand one day,” I finally say. “When you find your true love, you’ll understand.”

“I already found my true love, it just turns out he's a big bag of dicks,” he says with spite, walking away from me he leaves the temple.

The night is cold and humid. As his footsteps sound in the distance, I stand there in shock, trying to pull myself together and go after him. In the end, I don’t have any more strength to hold on and I crumble down, falling to the floor on my knees.

_I’m sorry._

_I’m so sorry, I couldn’t keep my promise._

A tear runs down my cheek.

I couldn’t keep any of my promises…


	9. I'm Not a Mind Reader

Dean’s birthday is in little more than 24 hours. He's still cursed, and nobody is happy about it. Our father was outraged, to say the least, when Dean came back from his epic journey with no princess to proclaim as his true love and refusing to explain what happened beyond “it sucked.”

He's so closed off he hasn’t spoken more than three sentences in a single conversation. And if you mention the subject he completely shuts you out.

So here I sit today, little more than 24 hours from his birthday, ten balls and about thirty-five ladies later. I look at Dean hoping for something that can let me help him, but all I get is “make it stop.” I’ve tried, but John Winchester has never been one for listening to his sons.

Every ball devolves into a complete mess as soon as Dean arrives at the ballroom and casts his eyes upon whoever has been invited. Today is no exception and to my lasting regret, I watch from the sidelines as once again they flock to him and he mechanically answers their superficial questions. 

“This is useless,” I tell Max, who’s sitting next to me in one of the benches that line the farthest walls of the ballroom hall.

“Alicia is afraid to even leave her guest room at this point.” There’s a worried expression on his face as he himself avoids looking Dean’s way.

“She’s probably doing the right thing.” I run a hand through my hair. “It’s been getting worse and worse.”

After a small pause, the music begins and Dean begins to dance with who will now be Lady #36. 

“How’s Dean holding up? To be honest, I haven’t had the guts to speak to him since we got here, but I’ve been worried.” Max takes the chance of glancing at Dean while his back is turned to us with concern.

I don’t blame him, the curse has become strong enough anyone even remotely attracted to men falls in one way or another. Some of them retain the feelings for days at this point, the effects no longer last just while he looks at them or even for a few minutes. By the time he got back, people were already staying charmed for hours at the very least. Once he turns 21 then it will probably be forever.

“He’s not doing so good, Max.” I don’t even try to hide the worry in my voice. “Right now my brother is not even a shadow of who he was before. He’s pretending, but he can't hide it from me.” I look down at the floor, worried.

Max puts his hand on my shoulder, trying to provide some amount of emotional support.

I turn to look at him, “I only wish he would actually talk to me, instead of leaving me to guess.”

He frowns, “is it really that bad?”

I nod, but bad doesn’t cut it, “all I get when he looks at me is either vague sadness or ‘Make it stop.’”

“Ouch, Sam that _is_ bad.” Max does sound concerned. “His birthday is so soon too. I’m sorry, I wish I could do something.”

I shake my head, “it’s okay, Max.”

We stay silent for a moment as the current song ends and a new one begins. Lady #28 approaches Dean, she is a persistent one, but she has a pretty set of blue eyes and dark hair. 

“Hey, uh, wanna dance?” Max asks suddenly.

I turn to him in surprise. “Unexpected,” I chuckle.

“Well, no girl is dancing with us while your brother is around. I bet even your stuck-up dad will forgive us for having fun.” He jokes pointing at the dance floor where a bunch of guys stand off to the side drinking and pretending to dance around with nothing. 

I roll my eyes, but I smile, “Max.”

“Come on! Let’s at least try to have fun.” He insists.

I take one last look at Dean, but he is not looking at me so I get nothing. I shrug. “Sure, let’s go. I’ve spent too much time sitting on this bench.”

This particular song is pretty lively, I notice as Max and I get up from the bench. It has a nice set of strings.

As we walk towards the center of the ballroom Dean’s eyes accidentally meet mine.

_Cas..._

As soon as we lock eyes Dean panics and looks away, but it’s too late. The pang of sadness is so strong it almost knocks me off my feet. I step back and end up against a pillar, barely able to support myself.

“Sam, are you okay?” Max turns to me concerned. He places a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I place a hand over my head, Dean’s emotion was so strong it made me dizzy. How could he possibly have managed to hide this from me for so long?

Max stares at me for a moment, but then he catches on, furrowing his brow. “Was that Dean?”

I look him in the eyes and nod. Few people know about my gift, normally it should not matter to them that I can read my brother’s mind. Much less the intricate details of how such a thing even works. Most people just think we are very close, but I’ve told a few. Max and Alicia are the children of Duchess Barnes, who lives barely a few days from the castle and was a close friend of my mother. It’s hard to hide that you can read your brother’s mind when you always win at poker against a pair of twins.

I try to puzzle together why he would feel this way, but I get nothing. “Something is very wrong, Max.” On one hand, Dean has intentionally been hiding this from me somehow. But what exactly is it he is hiding? “This is why Dean’s been avoiding me...”

Max steals a quick glance over his shoulder. He turns back to me and shakes his head. “I don’t think you’ll get a chance to speak to him yet, your anger will have to wait.”

“I’m not angry... mostly.” I sigh. I wish I could end this useless ball and cut to talking to my brother. There is something more going on here than just worry over his birthday.

“Well angry or not, you’d be lucky if you could make it to even 10 feet from your brother.” He shrugs.

I sigh, “you are not wrong.” I look in the direction of the main ballroom once again, hoping he’ll accidentally look my way once more so I can read his thoughts and feelings again. It may be convenient but it is a complex gift and if he doesn’t look at me it won’t work at all. In a way, he has to let me in. But currently, he's too busy with all the people wanting his attention.

“I just don’t understand...” I thought he’d come back and accepted Dad’s idea because he actually thought it would work. But something must have happened to him during that journey because this sadness is not new. No, it has the strength of something that’s been festering for a while, getting worse and worse as it lodges itself into his heart.

“What was Dean thinking about anyway?” Max asks, grabbing back my attention.

“It was a name...” I trust Max, but it feels too personal to just tell him whose name it was. Dean’s feelings are not mine to divulge, I’ve always tried to respect that.

Max looks off to the side, his hand on his chin. “Maybe Dean has already picked someone?” He offers.

I shake my head. “It was not with hope that he was thinking about them.”

“Then what was it?”

Despair...

Hopeless despair. Like a painful memory, you can’t let go of. I shake my head and go back to the bench, this is not getting away from me. I apologize to Max, but I wait until the very last song is over. I don’t take my eyes off of Dean and then once everyone starts to leave around 3 am I hurry after him, to his room.

I pull open the door without even knocking just moments after he closed it behind himself. “What was that about?” I ask as soon as I get in.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about, buddy.” He answers flatly. He was probably expecting this and is doing his best to keep his cool.

“Yes, you do.” I admonish him, “your emotions almost knocked me off my feet. There is no way that was nothing.” I shake my head. “Did you have a fight with Cas? You don’t have time to mope around about that, your birthday is in less than 24 hours!”

He sighs, “It doesn’t matter, Sam. It never did. I’m doomed already.” He sounds defeated, he hasn’t fully given in to tell me, but he _has_ given up.

I feel all my anger deflate inside my chest. “What do you even mean Dean? What is going on?”

“None of those people at the ball are my true love, I know that already.” He sits on the bed, letting his weight fall onto it, defeated.

I walk up to him and rest my hand on his shoulder, hoping he will open up more. He could look at me or tell me something more, something to make me understand. “Dean I don’t get it, you are sad and in pain. I thought it was the curse but back there...” I shake my head. “What does Cas have to do with anything?”

Dean finally looks up at me. His emotions hit me like a bucket of ice. Yes, he’s sad, hopeless even, but there is so much more than that.

_I miss him so much…_

Is the only thing I manage to distinguish before his thoughts start coming at me with such strength and speed that I can’t tell them apart from one another. I have to remind myself to breathe as I fight the headache building up in my head. As painful as it is I squeeze his shoulder to keep him in place. It’s like there is a hole in his heart, and I feel it so strongly my chest burns.

Whatever happened with Cas, Dean is so hurt it physically pains me to keep looking at him. But I know there is more. I furrow my brows and try to dig deeper, past the pain, the despair, the sense of betrayal and emptiness. I dig past all of those things and I find it. Past the wanting, the need, the nostalgia, past the uncertainty, I find joy but it’s not solid. It’s fuzzy and intangible, a memory of a deeper emotion, strong enough to stay there locked in despite everything else and it sings to me a single name. 

“You love him...” The words leave my lips before I myself can process them.

Dean tears his eyes away like he had just been slapped. 

“You love him and he...” I trail off, trying to puzzle the feelings together now that I can have a clear head once more, “...he broke your heart.” My own eyes water, I can feel Dean’s pain almost like my own. I can’t pretend to know the details, but I know what he feels. However it happened, Dean’s heartbroken, hopeless and hollow.

“Well, now you know.” He turns away from me. “Now leave me alone, I need to start getting used to that.”

“No! Dean, you can’t just leave it like this.” I pull him so he looks at me once more. “Your birthday is tomorrow! You have to find him and ki—”

“You think I didn’t try?!” He interrupts me, filled with frustration and anger that soon evaporates back into sadness. _He didn’t even want to kiss me, he wouldn’t even try._ He falls back onto the bed with no energy at all.

“So that’s it? You are just going to give up? Lock yourself in a tower for the rest of your life or something?” I question him, exasperated.

“I don’t know, okay?” He stands up from his bed in one swift motion. “Maybe...” _or I might as well just kill myself and spare everyone else._

Before I have enough time to process it, to react to the thought that just crossed his mind, Dean is engulfed in a cloud of black smoke.

“Dean!” I try to grab him, to pull him back, but it’s too late.

When the clouds dissipate, the only thing left is a single golden coin with a heart engraved on it lying on the bed. Dean’s gone. As if his own dark thoughts ate him up.


	10. I Never Had Faith

“You honestly have no plans of even checking up on him?” Gabriel questions for the fifth time today, an amazing accomplishment considering we just had breakfast.

“No, Gabriel, I won’t do that,” I answer one more time, exasperated. I pick up our dirty plates and walk towards the kitchen.

“But Cassie, his birthday is tomorrow!” Gabriel gets up to follow me, leaving Jack alone at the table.

Once we are in the kitchen I place the dishes in the sink and turn around to confront Gabriel. “Yes, and that probably means he must have already found his true love and I have nothing to do there. I will stay here and take care of Jack like Kelly would have wanted.” I whisper through my teeth. “Like I told the king I would do.” I finish, going back to my regular tone.

“You know I heard that, right?” comes Jack’s voice from the dining room. That boy’s hearing is too damn sharp. “I still stand by what I told you last time. You have to go, uncle!”

“See? The kid agrees! He's probably wiser than you anyways,” Gabriel proclaims with a winning smile.

I squint at him and turn back to the sink. I haven’t had the guts to tell them the details, I am not proud of what happened between Dean and me the last time I saw him. However, somehow they have figured out Dean would much prefer for me to go running back to him. No matter how I try to tell them that I highly doubt that. Because, I am not inclined to agree with them, he probably hates me. So I’ve been staying at home with Jack since I came back.

I’m about to start washing the dishes when I hear a horse outside, it is an odd occurrence, we are a lesser noble family whose inheritors are a blind teenager, an injured knight, and a traveling merchant who is rarely around. Not many people have reasons to come visit us here, plus we don’t have that much money and our only servant, Garth, spends his time tending to the garden. 

I look out the window and my heart almost comes out of my chest once the horse comes into view. Gracious, with an elegant black mane, it’s Babie. However, her rider is not the usual one.

“Sam?” And he seems to be in a hurry.

I rush to the doors so I can talk to him as soon as he reaches the front porch. By the time I get there, Sam’s already getting down from Babie, who is huffing and puffing from the exertion.

“Cas!” Sam launches himself at me to hug me as soon as I open the door. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

I’m taken aback by his actions, while Sam and I are close he has never been very physically affectionate with me before.

Seemingly realizing this as well the young man pulls away with an awkward smile, leaving me potentially more confused than before.

I frown, holding him at arm's length. “What’s wrong? Why are you here?”

“It’s Dean. Cas, he’s gone!” Sam explains exasperated. “I think Amara took him.”

“What?” How could that happen? For all these years she has never been able to put a single hair from her head into the castle. What has changed?

Sam runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not sure how it happened, one moment I was with Dean talking about...” he stops awkwardly mid-sentence and looks at me like a guilty puppy.

I squint at him, curious.

He continues before I can ask him any questions. “Well, _something_. The point is the next thing I know Dean is being engulfed in a cloud of black smoke and then he is gone.” Sam gestures with his hands, clearly nervous. “He only left this behind.” He takes a golden coin, Dean’s coin, out of his pocket and gives it to me.

I shake my head. “We have to go look for him. Did he find—”

“No!” Sam jumps before I can even finish asking if Dean found his true love yet. “Well, maybe...” he whispers a moment later.

I frown. Why is Sam so jumpy? How can Dean only maybe find his true love? I shake my questions away because there’s no time for them. Dean has until midnight strikes, if he hasn’t broken the curse by then it’ll be forever. “Have you told your father?”

Panic fills his features as he shakes his head vigorously. “I–I just think you should go, and I wasn’t sure if he... would agree?” He gives me a half smile, a meek apology.

I wish he was wrong. In a way he is, telling the King should have taken precedence over telling me, but that’s not what bothers me. “Why did you come here, Sam?”

Sam bites his lip, looking around as if the right answer would fall from the sky. “Dean... he misses you.” He speaks slowly, the poor teenager seems unsure of how to express himself and searches for the right words with care. “He needs you, Cas. You have to go look for him, please trust me.”

“Sam...” I want to tell him that I can’t.

But he doesn’t let me. “No. I will not move from here until you go out to find him,” he insists, planting his foot down and crossing his arms in what looks like a rather petulant expression on someone so tall. It’s easy to forget Sam is seven years younger than me sometimes. Other times it’s painfully obvious.

And yet he is right. Whatever happened, Dean’s my best friend, I should go help him. Even if it pains me.

I use my fingers to whistle loudly and Alfie, who had come back here with me, comes galloping to the front yard. He almost crashes into Babie, but he neighs in amused surprise instead and she neighs back. She then seems to greet him by bumping into his shoulder, almost making him fall over. Despite everything, they manage to pull a smile out of me.

I mount Alfie and then look down at Sam. “I’ll go find Rowena. If anyone knows where Amara could have taken him, it is her.”

Sam nods, “I’ll go with you.”

“That you will not.” I tense my grip on Alfie’s reigns. “You have to go inform the King.” There is no way Amara will let us get to Dean without a fight.

Sam begrudgingly agrees and mounts Babie once more. She whines softly at him when he starts pulling her away from me and Alfie. That horse is too smart for her own good.

“Gabriel, come out, I know you are there.” I roll my eyes. “You too, Jack.”

They both come out from where they are hiding behind the window frame. Jack gives a small smile and Gabriel wiggles his eyebrows. I do my best to hold back an exasperated sigh.

“See, Cassie? I did tell you—” Gabriel begins, but I stop him.

“Yes, now do as you said and look after Jack, please.” I request.

“Don’t worry! I enjoy staying with uncle Gabriel, he’s fun.” Jack almost jumps up for joy, excitement in his tone.

“That’s exactly why I’m worried,” I whisper.

Gabriel comes over and slaps Alfie’s rear, making the poor horse neigh in surprise. “Go save him, Cassie!”

I glare at him. “Sure.” I pull Alfie’s reigns softly, directing him towards the exit. “Let’s go, Alfie, sorry about that assbutt.”

Alfie snorts and I pet his shoulder as we head for the road. Rowena can be a shifty woman, but with the coin Sam gave me I know I can find her as Dean did before.

Following the coin to Rowena’s cabin while galloping through the forest is harder than I expected. The forest is thick and Alfie, much as I like him, is still a bit of a clutz. The sun, up in the sky, also makes my job harder, without the shimmering lights of the moon, finding the path is far more difficult.

Still, as noon approaches I think I must be on the right path because this part of the forest looks familiar. When I followed Dean I didn’t pay enough attention to find the area on my own, but I was alert enough to notice I am close now. I had been looking around suspiciously at every corner, worried something would jump out at him.

I liked looking after him, even when I was trying to keep my distance as John had asked me to. Dean was always a radiant presence in my life. Even if he really does hate me now...

I have been avoiding even thinking about it. I was such an idiot, letting myself run wild like that. How stupid and childish of me to think it could possibly be okay. But what can I do? I am not meant for him. There is no way it’s me, the one who can be by his side. 

John warned me and I still managed to do the wrong thing. I still managed to get in the way, and now look at the situation. Dean does not have much time and there is very little I can do. This is the one thing I can do for him right now. I tell myself, hopefully. 

Once I arrive at the clearing in the forest where Rowena lives I sigh, glad that her cabin is there and has not magically disappeared in a puff of pink smoke. I pat Alfie’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Alfie neighs happily at first. However, he snorts at me moments later when I don’t get off of him right away.

“You’ve been spending too much time alone, don’t be a grumpy horse,” I warn him as I finally dismount him.

Alfie whines in protest and I pet his cheek with affection. “Yeah, you are good, it’s okay. Just wait for me here.”

I walk up to Rowena’s front porch and knock on her door. It feels somewhat odd to be here in regular clothes instead of my armor like last time. I shake the feeling away, however.

After a brief moment, Rowena opens the door with a sweet smile on her face that drops the moment her eyes land on me. “What are you doing here?” She looks from side to side and even steps on her toes to look over my shoulder. “And where’s Dean?” She crosses her arms and glares at me.

“That’s why I am here.” I look away. “Dean seems to be missing. We think Amara took him.”

“What?” She shakes her head and murmurs to herself, “but that shouldn’t be possible.”

“I thought maybe you would know how to find him?” I try to smile but I doubt that it helps at all.

She seems to be lost in thought when she suddenly asks, “did you kiss him?”

I step back, startled. My heart hammers violently in my chest, the guilt sinking into my bones. “N-no, I did not do that.”

“Are you joking?” Rowena looks angrier than I’ve ever seen her, a deep frown on her face and the tips of her ears start to turn red like her hair. “What? Did he not solve my riddle? That prince can’t possibly be that stupid. I was so sure that’s all he needed.” She turns around and heads back into her cabin. She starts looking through her things; books, bottles, and crystals, all get picked up and examined before she moves on to something else, frantic.

I follow her inside in confusion. “I don’t understand. Why are you surprised? Your prediction was flawed, there was no one at the temple we went to.”

She suddenly stops, frozen on the spot. After a tense moment, she begins to turn towards me slowly with suspicion in her eyes. “You didn’t kiss him.”

“I believe to have already answered that question.” I try my best to hide behind formalities.

She repeats herself once more, enunciating every word carefully. “ _You_ didn’t kiss him.” She points an accusatory finger my way.

I squint, tilting my head to the side. The oppressive weigh on my chest had not moved a single inch, I swallow as I feel my mouth go dry. Why would this matter so much?

Her frown lessens to more of a blank expression as she continues, “he figured it out and then you...” She pauses then covers her mouth, making a pained expression. “He’s heartbroken,” she whispers, “that’s how she got him.”

I want to ask what she means but she glares at me once more with such force I am compelled not to move a single muscle. She walks towards me like a rampaging force of nature. Once she reaches me she forcibly grabs my hand. It’s sore from riding without gloves, I hadn't even noticed until now.

She holds onto my wrist until it’s uncomfortable, her eyes blank as she looks off into empty space. She's reading my emotions, my awful pile of guilt and worries and—

She suddenly lets go of my wrist. “You duty bound, ungrateful idiot!”

I frown, “you just called me an idiot?”

“And I would do it again!” She turns dramatically, her flaming hair almost hitting my face, as she heads towards the back of her cabin. “Do I have to do everything around here?”

I follow her into the small room with the crystal ball. “I don’t understand...” I sit down slowly.

She groans, “I wonder if you ever will.” She extends her hand towards me, palm up. “Give me that coin.”

I do as she asks without hesitation, too afraid to anger her more.

She takes the coin then grabs a handful of some kind of pinkish powder from a bag and throws it over the crystal ball.

I squint at her, “You didn’t do that last time.”

“Well, last time I had more time.” She shushes me as the ball fills with pink smoke, becoming cloudy like last time. “Criostal prìseil, seallaidh mi an fhìrinn air cùl na mìorbhail.” She recites in an unfamiliar tongue, “Ciamar as urrainn don amadan seo an fhìor ghràdh a th ’aige fhaicinn?” Despite the chanting she sounds fed-up rather than mystic.

The pinkish smokes swirls around and gives way to the awful black smoke I remember from my childhood. A terrible sense of dread crawls around my lungs, I choke out a gasp. “Amara...”

That is confirmation enough...

Memories of the dream I had that other time come to pester me like tangled spiderwebs, sticking to my skin, making me feel sick to my stomach. I can’t let her toy with Dean, I just can’t.


	11. And Then I Knew Love

“Are you awake yet, my little bear?” A strained female voice reaches my ears.

It’s damp, very damp. A drop of water falls on the nape of my neck. I try to move my hand to get rid of the cold sensation it leaves behind, but I can’t. The metallic sound of rattling chains and the heavy weights I feel on my wrists tell me why. I try to open my eyes, but I only see darkness.

“Ah—Ah, not something you really want to do, right?” Now that I'm more awake the voice sounds oddly familiar. “After all, doesn’t it bother you? All those people falling for you,” she chuckles.

There are very few people out there I could imagine being so delighted at my situation. I ball my hands into fists and grit my teeth. “Amara.” I almost spit the name out with disgust.

“Now, now. Don’t say my name with so much sting.” I can sense her presence approaching me, all my muscles tense. She grabs my face with her hand, squeezing my cheeks with her fingers. “I worked too hard for you to come and ruin my plan, Dean.”

She lets go, without an ounce of care, pushing my head to one side. “Of course your idea was not so bad, kill yourself so the curse never comes true.” I then hear her pacing around the room. “I mean,” she chuckles, “if you are dead you can’t turn twenty-one, right?

Another drop of water falls on me, and I tense up once more. I bite my lip. So she knows that huh?

“See the problem is, Dean.” She seems to pull out a chair, judging by the scraping sound on the floor. “Now you can never get away from me. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you are comfortable. I even made a clock, just for you.”

Just as she said that an odd chime sounds from my right. I frown in confusion. It sounds like a bell, heavy, grave, and clear.

“See? I hope you like it.” Her voice is loaded with false affection and sweetness. “Now, how about we just stay here and wait until midnight hits, shall we?”

Midnight! I panic, my chest filling with dread. No, no, no. I can’t make it to midnight! I can never turn twenty-one, I—

The loud sound of wood hitting stone catches me off guard. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” comes a gravelly voice. Rough and slightly tired, but firm. Despite my better judgment, it sends a shiver down my spine.

“Cas...” I whisper, a mixture of pain and meaningless hope gathering into my chest until I feel like I will burst.

Amara laughs softly, a meek imitation of what a kinder woman might sound like. “Oh, look, the failed knight has come to rescue the prince. Adorable.”

Next thing I know there is what sounds like an explosion and a flash of light. There is a loud thud, something crashes on one of the walls, and then a bunch of things clatter around the floor.

There is another voice with them. “You are gonna have to aim better than that.” It’s hoarse and heavy, like a boulder.

“Dad?” What’s he doing here?

No one really answers me, it’s understandable as the sounds of what must be fighting begins to grow more and more intense.

That is until I hear a painful scream coming from Amara, then a crude thud as something, or someone, falls to the floor. “You were never one to play fair, huh?” Her voice is weak and wavering.

“Neither were you,” Dad’s voice sounds tired, but it still retains that authoritarian tone so characteristic of him. “Cursing my son... I should have you hanged for that.”

“You would never do that.” Amara’s voice is soft and tender. For once she sounds honest.

Someone approaches me and frees me from the chains holding me to the wall. I recognize the strong hands and my skin fills with goosebumps. You are the worst Dean, he rejected you, remember? Getting excited over this is pathetic. I sigh, and once both my hands are free I get rid of the blindfold covering my eyes.

I open them slowly, my hands tremble and I grip the blindfold tightly in my hands. I'm afraid once more. Afraid of the darkness of the night and the moon up in the sky. I’m afraid of Cas’ blue eyes, more than I was afraid of Amara herself.

Cas looks exhausted, he’s sporting deep eye bags under his eyes and sweat is running down his brow.

The room is made of brick, it looks like some kind of dungeon, and I have no idea where it may be. On the other side of the room, Amara lies on the floor, avoiding looking my way. My father stands next to her as if keeping guard. On the other wall, there is a magical clock, counting down to midnight, confirming that it’s late, really late, we have a scant few hours at most.

Cas puts a hand on my shoulder, but his touch is not so firm. It’s weak and unsure because things are not right. Things between us are a mess, but I need his support so he gives it to me. My heart doubles in on itself, betraying me with its painful excitement. Why are you even here, Cas?

“We should head back,” he suggests, much like he typically would, and every ounce of hope I have turns sour. “There’s still time left maybe you could find them...”

I snap and pull my shoulder away from his hand forcefully. “No, that’s completely pointless. I know that much for sure.” This is like getting rejected all over again, I realize as my stomach churns. “Just—”

“Now that’s one thing you’ve got right, little bear,” Amara suddenly interrupts me. “It is pointless,” she laughs and slowly stands up, holding the side of her stomach where blood spills out onto her hand. She extends her hand towards me...

“Argh!” I clutch at my shirt. A sudden sting pierces through my chest as if I was getting stabbed as swirls of black smoke begin to surround me. I feel them pull at me from inside, like a puppet on a string.

“You see, Castiel, Dean is mine now.” Amara then makes a show of me, using her magic to take control over me and make me walk towards her.

I can’t stop the movements, the mere act of me trying to fight her will is useless. I grit my teeth but all I get is a painful pressure in my chest as if my own body was trying to constrict me.

Once I’m standing in front of her she obnoxiously grabs my chin and makes me look at her, I wish I could spit in her face. She slaps my cheek playfully. “My cute Prince Charming.” 

She looks at something from over my shoulder. “You see, Castiel.” She lets go of my chin and runs one of her fingernails down to my chest, tapping it where my heart should be. “Poor, little, heartbroken Dean belongs to me. Just like all the other fools who got their hearts broken over such a stupid thing as love.” She grabs my shoulders and turns me around so I can look at Cas. “And it’s all thanks to you, right Cas? Because you couldn’t possibly love him.” She pouts at me, mocking my pain. The pain I’ve been in for the past three weeks.

Cas grits his teeth and tenses his muscles, balling his hands into fists. But he says nothing.

“Personally,” Amara begins playing with my hair, “I think Dean is very angry at you. Right, little bear?” She turns to me as if actually asking me. “Maybe we should let you express yourself.” She materializes a sword from an ominous puff of smoke and hands it over to me.

My trembling hand grabs it and before I know it I'm launching myself at Cas. “How could you have done that to me?” Apparently, my mouth has also decided to speak on its own. I do want to know, but not like this.

Cas jumps into action and avoids my blow, just as Amara’s magic clock chimes to let us know it’s ten o’clock.

Without me being able to control my body at all I begin to fight Cas. Viciously going after him with the sword. Cas does little more than dive, parry, and step to the side. Not even once does he try to strike me back.

“Do you have any idea how much I’ve been hurting?” The emotional outburst continues, asking him questions like these but there is not a single pause to give him time to answer. “I can’t possibly love anyone else, damn it!” I should be angry, I should be burning with the rage Amara has instilled in me, but instead, the words start coming out filled with sadness. “I tried! I tried like you wanted me to, but I can’t! So why not just die? I’m dead anyway!”

I continue to fight him and soon have him cornered against the wall, his expression filled with painful emotions. Guilt, worry, sadness even.

It’s then that someone grabs me. Dad forcefully knocks the sword out of my hand and then tries to keep me under control by putting his arms around my shoulders. He pulls me back, away from Cas.

I inevitably try to fight him, but he’s stronger than me.

“Castiel you have to tell him,” Dad yells over my shoulder.

Cas shakes his head and presses his back against the wall. Trying to be the furthest away from me he possibly can be. “But, your majesty you said—”

“Forget what I fucking said!” Dad interrupts him. “Look at him, you have to tell him.”

Cas keeps quiet, looking down at the floor. Meanwhile, I keep trashing, trying to break free. “Let me go, damn it! Whatever you say doesn’t matter to him anyway. He doesn’t care!” A tear runs down my cheek. When had my eyes grown so wet?

“Listen, kid, maybe I was wrong. I don’t know, but I know Amara’s powers. Dean’s not lying...” I hear my Dad’s voice waver for the first time in four years, since the day my mom passed away. “I can’t stand seeing him like this.”

Cas finally looks at me once more, landing his eyes on mine. He takes a deep breath and lets go of his sword, it rattles as it lands on the floor. “Dean, listen to me.” He says as he walks towards me.

“Don’t listen to him, Dean! He doesn’t like you anyway.” Amara’s venomous voice comes from the side of the room.

Cas just continues, completely ignoring her. “I promised not to hide stuff anymore and... and I’m sorry I did.” He steps closer and I extend my hands towards him, trying to grab him, to hurt him. However, he takes my hand with his, interlacing our fingers.

The action makes my heart jump on my chest and I pause as if stuck in the moment. It reminds me of that night and I feel the oppressive pressure in my chest lighten. “That’s...” Whatever I was trying to say it does not come out.

Cas steps closer to me and Dad starts to loosen his grip.

“I–I want to be honest with you, Dean.” He glances at my father behind me as if searching for permission or something along those lines. I'm not sure, my mind is hazy from the contradicting signals going through my body.

Finally, Cas takes a deep breath and grabs a hold of my other hand.

“He’s a liar, Dean. He breaks all the promises he makes.” Amara shouts from the floor, holding her side. It’s like as her power over me loosens up she grows weaker too.

My body tries to fight itself, as my father fully lets go of me. I’m frozen in place, attempting to listen to both of them. To both run away from Cas and throw myself at him. I’m not even sure what impulse comes from where. Do I want to run because I’m hurt or because Amara wants me to get away from Cas? Do I want to grab him so I can hurt him or...? I can’t quite place either emotion.

Cas’ blue eyes stare into mine and my heart picks up at his closeness. The sincerity in his features terrifies me and fills me up with hope, tangible hope. The kind of hope I haven’t had since that night. “Dean,” he whispers, his voice soft and tender despite his grave and rough tone, “I love you.”

It feels like something inside of me suddenly snaps. Like a string that had been pulled too far.

“Argh!” Amara yelps as her hold on me is finally broken.

I groan, as the tightness lifts from my chest. I believe him, even after what happened last time, I believe him and it frees me. 

I shake my head and recover my composure. “Why did you hide it?” I ask him my voice is calm, despite everything.

He seems startled as if that’s the last thing he expected to come out of my mouth. He pulls back a little bit, but he tightens his hold on my hands. “Your father didn’t approve of my feelings and I...” he shakes his head, lowering his eyes. “Well, I was worried that I’m not...” he trails off, not finishing the sentence.

However, I think I begin to understand. His insistence on me finding my true love, his denial of the possibility that it was him at the temple. It starts to make sense. I shake my head. He loves me and I love him, how can there be any doubt? “You know one spectacularly simple way to know for sure?”

Cas looks at me, weary. “To kiss you?”

I smile at him. “What are you waiting for?”

Just then the magic clock chimes, signaling that it’s now eleven pm.

I glance up at it for a moment, but turn my eyes back to him. I’m not worried about it anymore. “You do want to kiss me, right?” I tease him.

He clears his throat, a shade of pink going up to his cheeks. “I do.”

“Come here, then.” I inch closer towards him, determined to put his lips on mine.

“This is disgusting. Do you really think I’ll let you two ruin my plans so easily?!” comes Amara’s voice “Your stupid love is fake!”

Startled I turn just in time to see her launch a shot of her dark magic towards Cas.

Before either of us has time to react, Dad steps in front of the shot. He falls to the floor instantly.

“Dad!” I immediately run to his side, kneeling down beside him.

“No...” Amara whispers to herself, her voice full of despair. _“No!”_ She screams loudly as she pushes herself towards my dad, crawling on the floor. She’s too weak to stand up.

I’m about to yell at her when Cas, who came to kneel beside me, puts his hand on my shoulder. I turn to look at him and he shakes his head softly.

I sigh, he knows something I don’t and I’ll trust his judgment. I don’t even give it a second thought.

Amara grabs my dad’s hand and pulls it up to her face, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” her eyes water.

Dad opens his eyes slowly to look at her. “Hey, it's okay.” His voice is low and weak.

“No, no, it’s not. You’re going to die! I–” A tear runs down her face, “I put everything I had into that shot.”

“Dad...” I put my hand on his shoulder, “dad you...”

“Shh, it’s okay, boy.” He says, putting his hand over mine, it’s heavy and bulky. “You have to take care of the kingdom, Dean. I’m okay, I’ll see Mary again, I’ll be happy.”

At the mention of Mary, Amara suddenly pulls away from my father. “You still...”

“I always will.” He answers with conviction as if he still had forever to love Mom.

Amara closes her eyes, more tears falling down her face. “I’m sorry, John. I am.”

“Heh, it’s fine now.” He turns to look at Cas, who’s holding my other hand trying to comfort me. “Just let my kid be happy too.”

Amara let’s out a shaky sob. She opens her eyes slowly and grabs his hand once more. “A king should pass away in his castle,” her voice is soft and genuine. “Let me take you there, I’m sure Castiel can take care of Dean.”

Dad smiles at her softly. “For old times sakes?”

She nods, returning the gesture. “For old times sakes.”

“Dad, don’t...” I try to stop them, but it’s a weak attempt. I know he’s a stubborn man.

“Hey, Sam will be there. He should say goodbye too. Plus,” he reaches out and puts his shaky hand on my shoulder, “you’ll make a great king.” He then glances at Cas briefly and gives us both a weak smile. “Don’t listen to your old man, just follow your heart, Dean.”

I nod as a tear rolls down my face.

Amara then uses her magic and right before my eyes both of them disappear in a cloud of black smoke, leaving me and Cas alone.

“Cas...” I squeeze his hand, “maybe we should go back now.” I turn to look at him, but he's looking up at the clock instead. His expression is blank and his face, pale.

I turn to look as well and realize at once that the clock is about to strike midnight. I turn back towards him frantically, “Cas, kiss me!” We don’t have much time.

I see his features fill with panic. “But I can’t! Your—”

“Cas!” I try to get him to snap out of it, grabbing him by the shoulders. “There’s no time.”

He stares at me, his striking blue eyes screaming with fear. “Dean,” he swallows dry and then his voice grows quiet, “what if it’s not me?”

My heart sinks, I shake my head. If there is anyone in this world who deserves to be my true love it’s this man. I love him, how can I make him understand that? I stare into his eyes and take in a shaky breath. “Then kiss me because I want you to.” And I do, every fiber of my being wants him, even if he’s not my true love, he’s the only one for me.

Cas nods, his fear dissolving into a shy smile. He places a hand on my cheek, then pulls me in slowly until his lips meet mine. Just seconds after that the clock chimes, announcing midnight.

His lips are soft and warm, something I knew but had never felt like this before. My heart jumps in my chest, filled with joy, it feels complete. I smile into the kiss, I don’t care if he broke the curse or not. I love him and if I can stay with him I can stand living cursed. 

I’m thinking just that when he pulls back slowly, breaking the kiss. I open my eyes and immediately realize why, swirls of black and pink smoke dance around us, entangled with one another. They shine and shimmer in the dark of the night as if engaged in a sacred dance, a choreographed fight. 

I stare at them for just a moment, just long enough to understand what they are. Then I hide my face in the crook of his neck, closing my eyes.

He chuckles, “what are you doing?”

“I don’t need to see them.” I put my hands around him and pull him in closer to me. “I don’t care which one wins anymore, I already have you.” There is something deeper than magic connecting us to each other, this doesn’t matter, no one will come between us.

Cas suddenly pulls away from my hug and kisses me again. At first, it takes me by surprise, but soon I melt into the kiss. We had only been apart for moments, but our lips greet each other like it’s been centuries.

He runs his tongue over my lips and I open them slowly, letting him do as he pleases.

My hands roam up to play with his hair as he pulls me in closer by the waist. He grips the fabric of my shirt when I bite his lip softly, then pull away with a sigh. He comes after me and softly rubs our noses together.

When I open my eyes again all the smoke is already gone. I stay close to him, staring into his eyes. That’s when it occurs to me to finally ask. “How come my eyes don’t affect you? I... well, I started thinking you simply couldn’t love me.”

Cas smiles but shakes his head. “It used to work on me, but it stopped when I fell in love with you.”

My heart almost jumps out of my chest, “that long?”

He laughs, nodding, then gives me a soft peck on the lips. “That long.”

I smile and put our foreheads together, then sigh, “we should really go back now, Cas.” I remind him, a sad edge to my voice. Dad’s still dying... at the very least.

He cups my face and caresses my cheek with his thumb. “I know, Dean. It’ll be okay, even if he is gone now. We’ll work together.”

I nod. “You’ll stay with me, right?”

“Always.” He smiles. “Cursed or not.”


End file.
